Paring Down the Fat

Bouncing Ball

2011-02-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

I'm like a bouncing ball with all these weight loss efforts that start off good and then quickly fizz out. Even almost immediately after they are started.

The no calorie counting wasn't working, as evidenced by the scale this morning.

So, I'm back to using the BodyBugg and tracking my calories.

Didn't get to the gym this morning, but I did get on the treadmill for 45 minutes, with 20 of those minutes being spent jogging. I don't know how much I burned, but better than nothing. I got a good sweat out of it, at any rate.

Calories eaten for the day: 1446

That includes three meals and two snacks. Got my water in, too.

New Goal

2011-02-22T14:35:00.000-08:00

Trying to get myself back into the habit of blogging. Although I've tried to "keep my head in the game" of losing weight, I've decided to give calorie counting a break. Hubby is currently using my BodyBugg and I've stopped using the SparkPeople website to track foods I've eaten and exercises I've done. I've decided to just focus on eating healthily and getting some form of exercise every day.

However, although this is working out okay, I want to give myself some clear goals to keep my motivation up. I've always enjoyed tracking my workouts and SparkPeople was good for this as far as getting points for minutes spent exercising and tracking fitness goals. So, I've decided I want to walk/run 500 miles this year. So by December 31st of this year, I will have walked or run 500 miles. This is in addition to my workout classes at the gym, which I'm supposed to be attending four days a week (Monday, Wednesday and Friday are aerobics and Thursday is Pilates). So I don't want to over-commit. To do 500 miles by the end of the year roughly calculates to 11.1 miles per week. That should be totally doable. Also, I want to try my 100 days of exercise again. I haven't attempted it in months and last time I made it to 50+ days. I can do this!

I am going to revise the 100 days of exercise, though. I'm going to require only 10 minutes of exercise each day, minimum, rather than 20. Most days I will easily do more than 10 minutes, but if I'm having a bad day or don't feel well, even sick I should be able to walk for 10 minutes, if nothing else.

Wow, time does fly

2011-02-09T20:49:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't updated my blog in 6 months! Not that I've had much to update about. I've been tossing the same few pounds up and down on the scale since we moved back to California in September. I do well for a few weeks and then fall back on bad habits, with enough exercise thrown in to keep me from gaining more than a few pounds. I've joined a gym here (LA Fitness), which isn't nearly as nice as the 24 Hour Fitness was in Washington, but the classes suffice.

So, I'm so tired of my lack of progress, with my weight and my writing, that I've started a new blog to document my pledge to change. I'm tired of thinking that eventually I will learn to do the things I want to do; that eventually I will get motivated and self-disciplined; that eventually I will regain control of myself. You know what? eventually will never happen if I wait for it to happen. So, I've made the decision to make it happen. And I'm going to write about my efforts.

Changes

2010-09-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

We've recently relocated back to California. That's 3 moves in 2 1/2 years, two of them being long distance. Suffice it to say, I am TIRED of moving! Hopefully we'll stay put for at least a couple years. I'm not thrilled to be back to point A, but I can live with it.

Since the decision was made at the beginning of August to relocate, I haven't maintained my exercise regime. As a result, I've lost all my muscle tone. My weight dropped several pounds, through lack of exercise and eating about the same number of calories as I was burning, so I'm now wearing pretty much the same size clothes but I'm softer, with less energy and more aches and pains. I've tried at least walking a bit, but that's about it. I definitely need to re-start my exercising!

I have joined a walking/running group and have my first meetup tonight. Its kinda farther than I wanted to have to drive, about 12 miles away, but not so far as to make it not worthwhile. We'll see how it goes.

No Longer Obese!!!

2010-07-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

I can finally say I am no longer considered obese!!!! It's just a number, I know, but it still feels great. This morning, after returning from a week's vacation no less, I weighed in at 137.4. Woohoo!!! Getting so close to my goal weight. Well, I still have 27 pounds to go, but still! The bodybugg is my new best friend and so is exercise. I'm adding a morning routine of Pilates, just 15 minutes worth. I'm also going shopping next weekend to buy some new clothes! I'm offically a size 8 and while I've bought a couple pairs of pants, I really want to get a couple nice shirts and even a pair of sexy heels. I haven't worn heels in years and I think it's time! I want to feel feminine and sexy. I also want to get some new perfume. I'm ready for a new me.

We're planning on moving back to California - I'm VERY excited to go back. Washington is beautiful but it rains too damned much and I miss my family.

Day 57 and BMI and Weigh-In

2010-07-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

Firstly, my weight this morning was 138.6. That was my goal before I went on vacation - so yay me!! I was all excited, thinking I was finally UNDER the obesity range. However, when I did the calculation, my BMI is 30.0. Another 0.2 pound loss and I would be merely overweight today rather than still obese. Frustrating, but really meaningless, right? I mean, I'm doing great so that would be a stupid thing to get caught up in. And by tomorrow I could be under the 30. So, whatev, I'm happy with my progress! 28 pounds to go.

I'm on Day 57 of my 100 days of exercise goal. It's weird because now I feel off if I don't exercise. It really is true that it becomes habit forming. Yesterday I had done only 30 minutes of strength training and usually would follow that up with at least a walk in the evening, if not a jog or an aerobics class. But I just didn't have time with getting ready for vacation, so I skipped the aerobic portion of my workout. I had a really hard time getting to sleep and I felt like I was missing something. I plan on squeezing in a jog before I hit the road today, though. Getting my daily exercise will be a challenge on the road, but we'll figure it out. I have a gym membership to 24 hour fitness, so I can always stop at any one of those along the way.

Bodybugg

2010-07-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

So, after several weeks of being on plan and really kicking butt with my exercise, but not seeing any real changes, I bought the bodybugg. I just wanted to know my calorie burn in reality, not an estimate based on my weight, age and height. I am extremely short so I often fall so far from the bell curve that averages can be quite off for me.

It has been an EXCELLENT tool! I weighed in at 139.2 this morning. In the two weeks I've had the Bodybugg, I've lost 4 pounds. I've learned that if I hardly do any exercise in a day and spend all day on my bum working, I burn about 1400 - 1500 calories. If I spend 30 to 60 minutes exercising moderately, I burn 1900 - 2100 calories. If I spend at least an hour exercising AND am active all day, I can burn anywhere from 2100 - 3000 calories. I am now able to ensure that I am eating less that I burn no matter what kind of day I'm having. I now see that when I was always aiming for 1200 - 1500 calories a day in consumption, and sometimes going a little over that, on the days I wasn't really active I was either breaking even or eating more than I was burning, even though the website I was using to track my calories always said I was under my calorie burn.

I would highly recommend this tool to anyone wanting to be more exact in their calculations for eating. You do have to track calories, but I was doing this anyway. It also helps to see how many calories you are burning, even the burn per minute. When I'm working at my desk, I'm burning about 1.4 to 1.9 calories per minute, depending on how often I'm getting up from my seat. When I work out, I can burn anywhere from 2 calories per minute to 10 calories per minute. I watch that burn and push myself harder on my workouts so I can get a higher burn. I also use it to try to hit a calorie burn of 2100 calories a day. Knowing how few calories I burn when I'm working all day, I've started taking breaks from work to jump rope, jog in place or other exercises to get my heart going and increase my burn by the end of the day. Or if it is getting late and I'm nowhere near my goal, I'll go for a walk or do some house cleaning to get my burn up. It's really helped to keep me motivated in moving.

Anyway, not to try to sell a product, but it has been great for me. I'm almost under 30 on my BMI! YAY!

Day 32

2010-06-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

I am on Day 32 of my 100 days of exercise goal. 32 days straight of exercising for at least 30 minutes a day. I think that's damn good, if I say so myself. I am doing a variety of exercises at the moment and I think I may even be a bit addicted to it. For instance, today I went for a bike ride (nearly 9.5 miles) and then completed a work-out DVD later. Yesterday I did a workout DVD, of strength training, in the morning and 3.5 miles on the treadmill at an incline in the evening. The day before that I did 45 minutes of weight lifting and an hour of walking/jogging on the treadmill at gym. Crazy, huh? But, I seem to really enjoy exercising at the moment. I love how I can move my body rather easily. One day hubby and I walked with the kids to the park and I jumped on the monkey bars. He was like "no way you can swing all the way across" but I did! It was hard and it felt awkward and my arms felt like they were going to fall off, but I did make it across. Only, it bugged me that my back didn't feel strong enough and that my abs were still a bit too weak. I felt like I was only able to control my body a little bit, nothing like when I was a kid. I know that all things get more difficult as we get older, but I decided that I wanted to get into good enough shape that I could easily swing across the monkey bars. It has definitely spurred me on with the strength training. Anyway, it totally helps to have a gym buddy too.

Plateau? Or What?

2010-06-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've blogged! But, not because I've been off the wagon. In fact, I've been doing really well, with both eating and exercising. I still eat more than I'd like some days, but I'm usually a good 250 to 500 below what I've burned. And I'm exercising every day, without fail, for between 30 and 120 minutes. Some days I'm burning 500 to 600 calories. I've been strength training too. And walking/jogging at least 20 miles a week. So, I've been doing crazy well.

So, what's the problem? Well...I've hardly lost any weight! I'm down a pound in the last few weeks. I should easily have lost 3 to 6 pounds. I should be below 140! But, I'm just floating along, not really seeing any weight changes. My clothes aren't looser. I feel like I'm running in place, faster and faster, and getting no where.

So, I know it's only been a few weeks. And I know that I should be building muscle. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm not tracking my calories correctly. Maybe I'm burning a lot less calories than I think.

I really don't know.

So, I've decided NOT to jump on the scale for the next two weeks. The scales are put up in the laundry room out of reach. I also bought a tape measure. I'm going to measure myself and then not weigh myself or check my measurements again for two weeks. And keep my calories down, but not too far down. And keep exercising. And I SHOULD see results. If not, I'm going to the doctor! :)

Motivated

2010-05-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've been motivated by progress. Since tracking my calories and feeling some renewed determination using SparkPeople.com, I've started to see some real progress. I'm at my all-time low of 145.4, my clothes are definitely getting looser and I'm getting stronger. I'm tracking my mileage from my walking/jogging and I'm doing about 15 to 20 miles a week, which is impressive to me! In fact, I'm going to take the kids on a long walk today. It's great to actually feel like my efforts are paying off. I'm still having my food days and I still think about food constantly, so I have a long way to go, but it's nice to be going in the right direction.

Progress

2010-05-16T23:18:00.000-07:00

I am finally making some real progress with my diet. I've even increased my exercising. I'm jogging most days and walking several miles in the afternoons. I'm keeping my calories between 1200 and 1600, depending on how active I've been that day, on most days. I'm tracking my calories and my fitness and my water intake.

I'm not entirely sure of the reason for the turnaround, although I think a big part of it is that I've joined a new weight loss website that I find to be particularly motivating. (SparkPeople.com) It uses a point system and awards and has some cool tracking options that motivates me to do well. I found them when I saw their diet book on Amazon.com. Anyway, if you're looking for motivation, I highly recommend checking them out.

I've also become more friendly with one of the girls in my mom's group. We've known each other since October, but have only recently began spending time together away from the group. Her husband is also away overnight for work so we have dinner together quite a bit. Not only to give each other company and distract the kids, but also to share the cooking, cleanup and child care aspects of dinnertime. Its been working out really well. She's very easy to be around because we share similar positions on child rearing and she isn't in competition wiht me at all. On top of all that, she is also trying to lose weight and we are jogging/walking together most mornings. We can share our ups and downs with food without worry of censure and we know the other understands. We even have similar food issues. I'm very lucky to have become friends with her.

Everything else is plodding along. I didn't get a chance to post my weigh-in, but I was down to 147 this week. Hoping to hit 145 next week, but we'll see. I know that I don't tend to see much progress on the scale when I'm working out a lot. It'll come off with time. I'm in that awkward phase between pants sizes and I'm hoping to lose enough to get out of my baggy pants and into a size 10. That will be great!

This is It

2010-05-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

How many times have I told myself "This is it!" thinking that I had finally made the firm decision to lose weight once and for all, only to lose that determination, slowly or suddenly, over the following weeks, days or even hours? I've had so many "aha!" moments, I think I don't actually know what an "aha" moment is. I've convinced myself many times that I have hit a turning poing in my life...only to realize that nothing has actually changed. My "This is it!" became: "This is it (I hope)!" or "This is it (please)!" or "This is it (until it's not)!"

I am on my umpteenth "This is it!" I am tracking calories, making smart choices, exercising, not snacking at night...doing everything "right." And, you know what? This IS it, right now. And that's okay if I slide back to some bad habits, because every "This is it" has been a forward part of my journey. So "This is it right now!" is my new catchphrase. Every good choice I make, is a time I didn't make a bad choice. Those add up, as surely as does the calories and the pounds. It isn't "on" or "off," it just is whatever is happening at that point in time and every moment of every day is "This is it right now."

An Imrovement

2010-05-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

I've had an improvement in my eating over the past couple days. I ate less than 1300 calories both today and yesterday. Yesterday I didn't exercise, other than a couple hours shopping, but today I went for a bike ride with the kids and am about to get on the treadmill. I feel much more able to control myself. I went out and bought a food scale because I'm determined to track my calories better.

Weigh-In

2010-04-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

Weight: 149
Gain: 1.6

Yep, this week hasn't been going so well. Monday I did really well and then bombed on Tuesday and Wednesday. Plus, I had eaten my way through the weekend, starting on Friday. So, it is not surprising that this week was a gain. I'm just glad that it wasn't more of a gain. Today is going well, so far, so I hope to keep things on an even keel.

One thing I noticed when I was eating too much, is I had stopped using artificial sweetener, Truvia, in my morning tea because it was making me feel nauseated. Instead, I started using raw sugar or honey in my morning tea or coffee. Last night I purchased some Splenda and put that in my morning tea and I feel much more in control of my hunger again. In fact, today was the first day I have stuck to my 5 hour rule this week. There may be something to that after all. I'll see how the rest of my day goes; although I am pretty determined to do well.

I am considering trying Weight Watchers again, but can't decide. Does anyone have any comments or suggestions about it?

And it started out so well...

2010-04-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

I did well at the beginning of the day, but it went downhill after lunch. Well, even before that I guess because I didn't make it to my first goal of no sugar for the first 5 hours of my day. I didn't make it with my second goal of no eating afer 9:00 pm. I didn't exercise at all today. And I didn't stay under 1400 calories. In fact, I probably didn't stay under 2000 calories. Ugh! I did so well yesterday!!! Well, tomorrow, as always, another day. I'll just start again.

Good day

2010-04-26T22:15:00.001-07:00

And, no, I wasn't saying hello in Australian.

Today was a good day for eating. I kept my calories under 1400, never felt like I was starving hungry and managed to keep to my am rule of no processed sugar. I had one moment when I was going to have a few Jolly Rancher candies, but after moaning about overeating all weekend, hubby grabbed the candies and threw them in the trash. I NEARLY went into the trash to retrieve them when he wasn't looking, but managed to resist and then the craving went away. Later, when I was driving my 7 year old to the store, I had a candy that had been in my purse, but didn't have any more than that even though there were more in my purse. That was a good moment :)

I worked out to a Jillian Michaels DVD today, which kicked my butt. I didn't even complete the full 40 minute workout; probably I did about 30 minutes. Ah well, 30 minutes is much better than nothing.

If it isn't raining in the morning, I'll be going for a jog with a friend. That will be a relief after Jillian Michaels :)

I've implemented 2 new "rules." Not really rules, per se, but I don't have a better word for it. The first is no eating after 9pm. Not hard and fast (I'm not going to quickly cram a bunch of food in at 8:59 pm) but I want to try to stop eating so mindlessly at night and thought this may help. The second is that for every 3 days I do well, I get one day off. Not completely off, like eat a million calories with no sweat, but off as in not having to actually count calories. Maybe this will help me from completely losing it and going bonkers with my eating after being religious about withholding calories for several days. I know that I just have to do well tomorrow and the next day and then I can relax my eating regimen a little and not having to feel guilty or bad about it. I'll let you know how that goes.

The Weekend

2010-04-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

Aren't the weekends great for getting off plan? I tracked my calories (over 2000) Friday and Saturday but didn't even bother today. My saving grace, if there is one, is that I've been so busy! And not just with a lot of things to do to fill up my day, but with being actively busy. Saturday I spent the entire morning cleaning, then went for a walk with a friend, then cleaned up from our visit/dinner, then got on the treadmill for another 30 minutes. I didn't finally sit down last night until after 10pm.

Today I started with a walk with a friend, then cleaned again, then went to a friend's for a late lunch and walked again, then returned home and went for a bike ride with my daughter, then spent the last two hours cleaning again. Ugh, so much cleaning! And I'm doing laundry, which needs to be put away before I can go to bed. So, although I've been eating and eating and eating, at least I've also been burning and burning and burning. Probably not more than I've been eating but I'm hoping to at least break even.

Tomorrow is Monday, so back to the grind stone and back to counting calories and my 5 hour, no refined sugar rule. I also want to implement a no eating after 9pm rule to stop the night time snacking. The snacking is making up 50% of my calories at the moment - not good!

I'm confident next week will go well.

All part of the process...

2010-04-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

I had several good days of eating and exercising and then last night.. I overate. Its all part of the cycle and the process. I ate a lot tonight, too, but not so much as last night. And tonight was just eating a little more dinner than I needed to. Last night, I ate until I felt sick. I woke at 2am and still felt full. And it was all ice cream and candy and treats, etc. etc. Anyway, so I woke this morning disgusted with myself, but then I realized that it is all part of the process. No one can be 100% and trying to keep my calories to within a certain amount always causes me to feel deprived and rebound by eating too much. So, today I didn't mind if I ate a little more at dinner. I'll just do an extra-long walk on the treadmill. It doesn't mean that I failed or that I have to start over or that I "lost" any of the ground I had gained. It just means that I have to keep going, day to day, trying to make good choices and trying to stay busy and trying to keep exercising. I do pretty good overall, and that's what counts.

Weigh-In

2010-04-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

Weight: 147.4
Loss: 2.4

I actually lost more than that because my weight had gotten up to around 152 or 153, but I went by the last weight I had published on here. It was great to get back to my lowest weight! And in less than a week! I'm very pleased. I know that the loss will slow down, but that's okay as long as it keeps going down. I am feeling good about my weight loss efforts and like I can maintain them. I just feel I've turned a corner. That other night, when I had the talk with myself, something just seemed to click in my mind.

The exercising has been going well, too. Yesterday I went for a walk and then actually worked on my Wii Fit, which I haven't done in months. Tonight I will just walk because I'm a little sore from 2 days of working on my side leg muscles. They aren't too sore, but enough that I think I should give it a rest. Anyway, a walk will be good!

Hunger

2010-04-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

There is no hunger like the 3rd day of being "on plan." It doesn't matter how many veggies and fruit I eat or water and unsweetened tea I drink, I am HUNGRY! Its okay, though, cuz I know that it means I am burning through all this cushy fat covering my body. And that's what I want. Still, I want to eat everything in the kitchen too. Its not even like I'm trying to stay under 800 calories or something stupid, I'm trying to stay under 1400, which should be easy. But, of course, it isn't. And I know it isn't because I NEED more than 1400 calories but because my body (my stomach) is accustomed to getting more than 2000 calories and we are built to maintain the status quo. My tummy will become accustomed to less calories and I will feel less hungry...eventually.

The good news is that I am back under 150, yay! I was very excited to see 148 on the scale this morning. I'm still above my lowest weight of 147, but it's just such a relief to get away from the 152 I had eaten my way back up to. Yeah, that was only a 5 pound gain, but... it was a 5 pound GAIN! So frustrating when it takes at least 2 weeks to take 5 pounds back off again. But, enough of that, I'm getting back down there and that's the important thing. And I really feel that doing the no refined sugar for 5 hours per day has been a huge help. Not just because I don't eat as many calories during those 5 hours and I am learning more about the food that I eat, but because it proved to me that I CAN say no and I CAN control what I eat. I think that was the catalyst for me getting back to seriously cutting my overall calories.

Not that I'm going to be ridiculous about it. In fact, when I add up my calories, I'm writing it down in a notebook and guesstimating my calories rather than getting all detailed about it. And I have had a day or 2 when I didn't stick to my no sugar morning but I just started again the next day. And today I will go out to lunch with hubby and probably eat most of my calories for the day in that one meal, but that's okay too. I'll just do an extra-good workout later. There's gotta be give and take in any weight loss plan.

New Beginnings

2010-04-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep with a too-full stomach and feeling like such a fat pig, I decided that enough was enough. I CAN stop eating, if I really want to. I have proven to myself that I can say no to unhealthy food even when I'm truly hungry. I have proven to myself that it isn't about willpower or self-control but about making a firm commitment and not being wishy-washy about it. It truly is all in my head.

Thus, today has been a very good day with regarding to eating. I didn't get much of a walk in because it started raining and because I've been so swamped with work; however, I do intend to walk some more this evening on the treadmill. I am bound and determined, finally, to buckle down and start losing some serious weight. I'm tired of kinda trying to lose weight. It's not like I am physically incapable of doing so. I just haven't WANTED to enough. I've wanted the food more than I've wanted to lose weight. Today, I want to lose weight more than I want to eat yummy food.

Eating...and eating...and eating

2010-04-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

Roast beef, candy bars, strawberry shortcake, oh my. I am an eating machine. I do not care about fat, nutrition or calories. I do not care about hunger or fullness or what I need or don't need. I do not care about the numbers on a scale, or on the tag of my jeans. I just want the pleasure of yummy food in my mouth and a super full belly. Maybe I died of starvation in a past life. Or I just have a very empty life and I am trying to fill it up with goodies. I can't even say with good food because, although some food I ate was nutritious, the majority was not. Chips and ice cream and fruit snacks that don't actually contain any fruit. Blech! I hate myself and I love to eat. I love to eat and to hate myself.

Tomorrow is a new day - I tell myself this every day. When will tomorrow arrive?

The Plan

2010-04-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

I always say I don't have "a plan" but I now do, actually. My plan started out with an experiment, but it is working well enough that I have made it part of my diet plan. My plan is to not eat anything with refined sugar for the first 5 hours of my day from the time I get out of bed. This morning I didn't get out of bed until 9am, so no refined sugar until 2pm. That doesn't mean that I can't have natural sugar, such as a piece of fruit, or even honey if I wanted - just no refined sugar. This has turned out to be a good plan for several reasons:

1. It has cut quite a few calories from my diet. I am drinking my morning tea without sugar. The other morning, we were driving to Seattle and I hadn't planned for breakfast beyond stopping at a convenience store and grabbing a banana. Only, the convenience store I stopped at didn't have any bananas or non-processed foods. I ended up driving to a grocery store and buying a banana and some cheese. If I wasn't sticking to my plan, I would have just eaten a doughnut for breakfast with the kids.

2. I'm forced to eat wholesome food. ALL processed foods has sugar, it seems. Even chips and soups. It's crazy! So, to eat food with no refined sugar, I'm having to eat simple, whole foods, such as fresh fruits, vegetables, even eggs. No bread, of course. I also can eat shredded wheat because it has few ingredients and no sugar. And it has tons of fiber.

3. I'm learning about the food I eat. Beyond the nutrition label, I'm actually reading the ingredient label. This is very educational and it makes me more aware of the foods I am eating.

4. The purpose of the experiement was to see if I could stop the endless eating throughout the day. So far, the plan has been fairly successful in this regard. I have been eating a lot less since I started the plan, although some days I'm still eating more than I should. It doesn't fix everything, but it is improving my overall caloric intake and making me less "insatiably hungry" in the evenings.

5. By gaining control of the first 5 hours of my day, I feel more in control the rest of the day. I am finding that I can turn down junk food even later in the day, just because I KNOW I CAN! I feel happy with myself for sticking to my plan each morning, and that gives me the motivation to keep it up.

The reason I'm only eating this way for the first 5 hours of the day is I would not be able to keep it up all day indefinitely. But I can do 5 hours. Anyone can do 5 hours. Or make it 2 or 3 hours, rather than 5, and build up to it. If you can eat perfectly for even part of your day, you're much better off than eating badly all day. That's my reasoning anyway. And knowing that at some point in my day I can relax the rules and go back to eating most things makes it possible for me to maintain the standard for the 5 hours I need to do it. I have been able to say no to food even when I desperately wanted it, just because I was still in my 5 hour zone. I can do that because I know I can eat it or something similar if I really want to later on. But, later on I usually don't want to anymore.

Experiment Day 2

2010-04-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

I only lasted a couple hours this morning without sugar. Well, it wasn't so much that I was craving sugar, I was just super hungry because all I had eaten for breakfast was an apple. I am out of Shredded Wheat cereal and didn't have time to cook up an egg. Tomorrow I will scramble a couple eggs, though, and that will make it easier to stick to my no refined sugar for the first 5 hours rule. The food I had eaten that had refined sugar in it was Vegetarian Chili. Weird huh? But, I guess spaghetti sauce has sugar in it, too, so maybe not so weird.

As far as eating for the remainder of the day, I definitely have regressed from yesterday. I've eaten quite a bit, although not as bad as some previous days. I made a dinner of boneless, skinless chicken and cauliflower, followed by a yogurt. It was good! I still feel hungry though :( And not hungry in a stomach empty sense, but in a I want to keep eating sense.

I didn't walk today or engage in any other form of exercise, so my plan for the evening is to work on some cleaning and then do a Pilates DVD. I haven't done Pilates in forever and I could definitely use with doing that sort of exercise.

So, better get on with it then.

Experiment Day 1

2010-04-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

So today was the first day of my experiment of no eating refined sugar in the morning. I decided on 4 hours, from the first time I ate, which was at 10:00 am. I had a bowl of shredded wheat with NO sugar on it. I had a cup of tea w/ Truvia.

I decided to eat lunch at 1:30 since I had company coming at 2 and knew I wouldn't be able to eat again until evening. Which put me before the 4 hour mark. I looked for all sorts of eats, but everything in my cupboard was out - even veggie beef soup!! Did you know veggie beef soup has sugar in it??? I didn't, but now I do. EVERYTHING has sugar in it!! I ended up scrambling a couple eggs with chopped tomatoes and onions. It was actually really yummy and I was glad that I had to put more effort into my lunch than just heating up a can of soup.

As far as how I ate over the day... REALLY well!!! I ate some grapes (which tasted especially sweet after avoiding sugar for my first 2 meals), crackers and cheese and avoided the cookies someone had brought over. For dinner I ate some potato soup, a salad and one piece of whole grain bread. I then had 4 Jolly Rancher candies for dessert :)

I felt much more in control of my eating. I didn't feel like eating beyond hunger or that I couldn't get full. Whether this was due in fact with my avoiding refined sugar for the beginning of my day, or just because of the act in avoiding a certain food made me feel more in control, I have no idea. That's why I wanted to do it for at least 3 days.

I also walked with my neighbor this evening. We hadn't walked earlier as we would have usually, but I decided this evening to just go for a walk and asked if she wanted to join me, which she did. We didn't have our lil ones or strollers so we put in some good mileage. I feel really good about that too.

All in all, a good day!

Breakfast

2010-04-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

I do eat breakfast most mornings, although often late in the morning. I don't exactly wake up super early though. However, I'm wondering if part of my overeating is related to my breakfast choice. I've been eating a sourdough English muffin for the past week. I suddenly LOVE sourdough toast but the bread has too many calories so I switched to the English muffins. I then, of course, put butter and low-cal jam on it. That's a lot of bad carbs and fat, right? That's what I'm thinking. Maybe not such a good way to start the day.

Therefore, I'm going to try an experiment. For the next 3 days, I will start my day by eating a bowl of shredded wheat w/ bran cereal (already in the cupboard) WITHOUT sugar, sugar-free tea and MAYBE a piece of friut. No refined sugar before noon. I wonder if that will help change some of my eating habits.

Today I have already gone over my calorie burn for the day. I ate and ate and ate around noon. I had chocolate candy and Sun Chips and crackers and nut clusters. I didn't want to stop eating. Urgh! At least the chocolate candy, crackers and Sun Chips are GONE. I had the kids help me finish them off so there wouldn't be the temptation in the house.

So, let's see how it goes....

WTH??

2010-04-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

So, in my last post I said I would start tracking my calories again... and I have done! I have been tracking my calories for the past several days. Yet, everyday, I eat the same crap. Every day I'm logging more calories than I'm burning. There are various ways in Fitday.com to see that you are overeating - a bar graph that shows your intake versus outtake, an active daily caloric goal, which has been showing a negative number for the past several days, a pie chart, etc. etc. So, why do I not care that it goes over every day? Isn't the whole point of tracking so that you say to yourself, "hey! I'm eating more calories than I'm using, I'd better cut back." I just seem to be shrugging my shoulders at it. And it's not like I don't care, because I DO. But, I want to eat the leftover chocolate Easter candy that doesn't even taste that good, regardless. It's driving me batty that I can't come up with a way to stop myself! Feeling very frustrated.

It's a known fact...

2010-04-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

when I'm not blogging, I'm not on plan. Not that I have "a plan" other than to try to eat healthy and not consume a lot of junk. I've been doing my usual up and down routine and mostly maintaining around 148 - 149. I'm happy that I have learned to maintain when I'm not actively losing, but I wish I would finish losing the weight I need to lose before going into maintenance mode. Well, it could be worse, right?

We've been moving house the last week so I haven't done any specific exercising. In fact, this is the longest stretch I've gone without walking and I wonder if I will struggle to keep up when I walk with a friend again. The weather has been rainy and cold so there really hasn't been the option to walk, but I haven't tried to fit it in because of the physical demands of moving. I've done most of the move myself, so lots of burning calories. However, rather than take advantage of this to actually lose some weight, I chose to eat fast food for most of those days. Ah well.

Last night I had a craving for potato chips - I never eat chips. Hubby picked some up for me at the store but he also purchased some Sun Chips because he knows I like them. I ate the potato chips, but they weren't as good as I had been imagining they would be (not that this stopped me from eating the bowl I had poured myself). I then ate some of the Sun Chips and they were much more to my liking, so I had a full bowl of them too.

Tomorrow I am going to start tracking calories again. I want to get down to 139, damnit! :)

Improvement

2010-03-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

Things have calmed down and, no surprise, my eating has too. I've been doing fairly well with not eating beyond hunger for the past few days and am seeing my weight drop back to where it had been, in the high 140's. I'm hoping to start working on an actuall loss from that in the coming week. Exercise remains a good constant, and I think it's safe to say that it is really a part of my lifestyle now. I don't "dread" exercising or see it as something I have to do anymore, except for going to the gym and REALLY working hard :).

Slowing Re-Gaining

2010-03-16T14:06:00.001-07:00

I'm not deluding myself. I know that every morning I get on the scale it is a little higher than the day before. Nothing earthshattering, but half a pound here, a quarter of a pound there... it all adds up eventually. And it's all down to my eating. I CAN'T STOP EATING AT NIGHT! Seriously, I am eating toast with butter and jam at 11:00 pm. Or, as with last night, 2 candy bars and then a piece of sour dough bread with butter. And I can't seem to CARE. I mean, of course I care about gaining, but at the moment when I'm eating I really don't care. I don't care if I gain weight from processed, sugared, fattening food. I just want to eat it. In fact, I'm getting to the point where I'm kinda freaking out if I don't have something sweet to eat after dinner. Like something bad will happen if I don't get an after-dinner treat. So frustrating! I've purchased a book on dealing with emotional eating, but I have to actually READ the thing for it to potentially have any impact. That's my goal for tonight - to read the damn book. And NOT have an after-dinner sweet.

Tough Week - Tougher Weekend

2010-03-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Its been a stressful and difficult week followed by an even more difficult weekend. Several things are going on at once - my husband is waiting hopefully for a job offer for which he interviewed the week before. We're looking for another house to move into it. And work has been very slow in his area for my husband. We are stressing about money, as always, and two of the kids were sick. As a result, I've been hyper-sensitive with my friends and misreading things into what they've said and done. Not a great combination.

Then we learned that my husband would be spending all of next week in California. And Monday is our anniversary. I was definitely not happy about either - that he would be gone for a week and that he would be gone during our anniversary - but I was glad that he had work.

So, we decided to celebrate our anniversary on Friday night. We got a babysitter and got a ways down the road and then had to turn back. My husband had a migraine and was not going to be able to enjoy a night out. He was going to soldier on but I thought that was ridiculous and pointless. So, we pushed it off to the next night.

Saturday I decided to get my hair cut and styled in the late afternoon so I would look fantastic (or as fantastic as possible) for our date. Of course, the hair stylist cut off way too much - instead of being shoulder-length, it is ear-length. Of course, sitting in the stylist's chair, all I could see was how fat my face was no matter what my hair looked like, which was super depressing.

When I got out of the hairdresser's, I could immediately tell by my husband's face that he hated it. I finally asked what he didn't like about it and he said that it has the same effect on my face as horizontal stripes has on an overweight women's body - in other words, my face now looks fatter thanks to the new hairdo. As if that wasn't devastating enough, I'm also pms'ing, stressing and about as hypersensitive as a person could get at this point. So, of course I start crying like a baby. Which pisses my husband off because he hates crying and he feels bad for making me cry. So, instead of heading out for our date, he turns toward home.

At home, we talk it out. He apologizes for the comment but said he'd been upset with me because he loves my hair long. I told him I hadn't exactly asked for such short hair and, even if I had, there was no reason to make me feel worse about it; even if he was only confirming my fears. This is the problem with living with someone who is too honest. He really will tell me if my ass looks fat in a pair of pants but when he says the pants look great, I know they do. Its difficult.

Anyway, so after talking everything out and getting over the trauma of a bad haircut, we finally went out. And it was okay - there was too much tension between us still to be anything better. The only positive note, really, was that I chose half a tuna sandwich and cesar salad for dinner rather than something greasy and fattening.

Not that I haven't been eating greasy and fattening the last week. I've been completely pigging out again. I feel adrift from my goals and incapable of sustaining a diet for more than a couple days.

But, in an attempt to improve, I purchased enough veggies to feed an army, eggs, whole grain bread and beans. I'll cook some chicken a couple nights this week but my goal is to otherwise eat just veggies, whole grain bread, eggs and beans. Let's see if it works....

Weigh-In

2010-03-06T10:34:00.001-08:00

Quick weigh in post.

Weight: 148.8
Lost: 1

Not bad, considering how I've been eating (chinese takeout, chocolate cake, etc.).

Walk, walk, walk

2010-03-06T10:29:00.000-08:00

I keep intending to engage in a high intensity workout, but so far this week that hasn't happened. Day 88, Thursday, I walked with a friend. Not far, just around the neighborhood, per usual. Day 87, Friday, I walked with another friend around her neighborhood. Day 86, today, I'm, again, going for a walk with a friend. I guess I should be happy that I have friends to walk with. I know a lot of people would love to have friends to walk with everyday and I do love to walk with them. However, I do also need to do some form of high intensity workout. Tomorrow I MUST go to the gym.

On another topic, work has been VERY slow for my husband. In fact, he didn't work at all last week. I'm feeling very stressed about that. Hoping it turns around next week.

Day 89

2010-03-03T19:00:00.001-08:00

Today was, yet again, a walk day. I really need to amp up my workouts and I keep saying that I will, but I never do.

So, lots of changes coming our way. The house we are renting is going into foreclosure so we need to move and hubby is in the midst of switching jobs. That should make for a nice and stressful month!

Nothing else going, though. I've been HORRIBLE with my eating and not losing weight and same ol, same ol.

Day 91

2010-03-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

Today was a walk day. At like 10 minutes before the scheduled group walk, it looked like no one was going to join me today. Then I texted one girl who said she would go. Then I got a call from a person in my mom's group who wants to start walking and then another member of our walking group just showed up at the last minute. So we all walked - albeit not very far or fast because one of our group had her daughter on her second bike ride with us, which required quite a few stops here and there. No matter, we all had a good time. The kids played in the park afterward and they always enjoy that.

A bit of a vent

2010-02-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

I want to go off topic for a moment to vent some of my frustration.

I only recently moved to Washington State from California and have been working hard on making friends in the area so that I'm not stuck at home all the time as I was when we last moved to a new area. And I have been pretty successful, but interacting with people has its down sides.

My biggest peev at the moment is that people are so flaky!! I understand that life gets busy and shit happens - but PLEASE, its not that hard. I have had people cancel on me at the last minute more times than I can count. Last week alone I had one girl cancel at the last minute twice! Literally, as I'm getting ready to get into my car. And its not just her, none of the women I have met and started socializing with have failed to flake out on me except for one. I am not saying that I never cancel out on something, but: a. I don't do it at the last minute even when I'm sorely tempted; and b. I don't cancel when I know its just me or me and maybe another person going because then the whole event gets canceled. And, yes, these women all have kids but I have FOUR kids to their one or two AND I work and they don't. So fuck that excuse!! Its just plain rudeness.

Phew! Feel better getting that off my chest.

So far, no soreness from the gym yesterday. However, I have had occasions where it took a couple days for the soreness to kick in, so I'm not assuming it won't happen yet. Still, I feel really good about going. And lo and behold, I had the energy to completely clean (the downstairs, at least) my house yesterday. I felt really good about that.

Today I am going on a 5 mile walk with a group I joined but have yet to participate in. There are over 100 members, but only about 15 committed to going on this walk. It will be fun to meet new people (hopefully, less flaky!) and I love talkin while I'm walkin. That's Day 91 down! :)

Day 92

2010-02-27T13:16:00.000-08:00

Went to the gym!!! Yay me! I took the little ones cuz they have a great kids play area so they had fun. I wouldn't say I had fun, but I'm so happy with myself for finally going. I had a good workout too - 20 minute jog on treadmill; 10 minutes on StairMaster and 30 minutes on a stationary bike. I wanted to do some upper body workout as well, but I was so sweaty after my cardio workout that I thought it'd be gross of me to sit in all the weight lifting machine seats.

Tomorrow I have signed up to join a walking group on a 5 - 6 mile walk. I'm looking forward to it - just hope I'm not too sore.

Guess what I did today?

2010-02-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

If you guessed a walk, you're right.

It was actually a close call between a walk and going to the gym. I was hosting a walk through my mom's group and by this morning everyone who had initially RSVP'd yes changed it to no, except for one. I assumed the one would cancel as well, so I got ready to go to the gym after the one either cancelled ahead of time or was a no-show.

Then, as I was on my way to the meetup place, all decked out in my gym clothes and with my gym pass, I got a call from her...saying she WAS still going but would be a couple minutes late. Well, that surprised me. But, I'm glad that we went - the weather turned out perfect with a warm sun. Also, we walked to a playground, which we had to ourselves. Youngest had a great time playing at the park and I got to chat away the morning in the sun. The walk was good too! :)

So, maybe tomorrow gym? You never know...

Days 94 & 93

2010-02-24T22:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was sore. On Monday, not only did I walk around the zoo for hours, but I walked with a friend when I got home and then did my Wii Fitness Coach workout for another 30 minutes. I wanted to focus my Wii workout on my upper body, but the workout still included a lot of leg work and consequently my legs are stiff and sore and my arms are fine.

But, I still walked yesterday morning with a friend. I didn't do any other exercises, though, because I wasn't feeling well. I've been running a bit of a temp and feeling dizzy and out of it for a couple days so I just finished my work and then rested last night.

Today I went for a short walk (interrupted by a bout of heavy rain) in the early afternoon and then a longer walk this evening with a girl who I may start playing tennis with once the weather warms. I had advertised for a workout partner and this girl had responded, so that's how we met. We're going to start walking every Monday and Wednesday evening. She walks about as fast as I do so it should be a good workout. And it will definitely be fun once we start playing tennis. If we end up doing that.

So, I am asking myself, what about the gym? I never go to the gym! When am I going to start forcing myself to go? Its 24 hours! I can go anytime. I NEED to go at least twice a week to make it worth the money we are spending for it.

My goal for this week is to get to the gym at some point. I don't have to work out hard or long, I just need to get to the gym. In fact, I could just bite the bullet and swim for a while since my legs are so sore. Anything. Just get myself down there and figure out a routine. Not only because I am paying for it but because I really want a better workout than just walking. Walking is great, but it's not going to get me to goal as fast or well as doing a more thorough workout. And I want to be stronger and fitter. So, I have to get my workouts into my weekly schedule somehow.

Day 95

2010-02-22T18:14:00.000-08:00

I was planning on going to the gym today - even looked at the schedule to see if there was a class I could attend - when hubby said he wanted to go to Tae Kwon Do tonight with my 14 year old. Bottom line, no one to watch the kids. I could have planned on going to the gym when they got back, but it would be really late and I knew I'd probably not go. So, I called a friend and she and I went for a walk. In fact, we went stroller-less today and ended up walking a lot faster and farther, so it was a good workout. I'm also going to pull out the Wii and do some upper body exercises with one of my workout games. Should be good.

Day 96 (Yesterday)

2010-02-22T11:27:00.000-08:00

Still sunny and warmer yesterday. Hubby said he'd take the little ones for the day so my older daughter and I went shopping and then played tennis. We also got a good walk in because the park where the tennis court is located is closed to vehicle traffic, so we had to walk about a mile each way. Which was a great walk because the park is well wooded and beautiful and it was sunny and dry and warm. A perfect spring day, in fact, except that it's not quite spring yet. We've definitely had spring weather, though.

Last night I grilled some steaks for dinner and then watched a horrible movie (Motherhood - don't waste your time).

Positive Changes, Sugar Binge & Exercise

2010-02-21T10:44:00.001-08:00

Day 97 - walked with the kids at a new trail (new to us anyway). It was very sunny but with a really chilly wind, so we didn't walk nearly as far as I had wanted to. But, far enough to meet my goal. I had planned on going to the gym, again, but by the time I had finished the walk, let the kids play in a playground and done some grocery shopping, I was too tired. I had really low energy yesterday.

Today I woke with a headache, so I haven't done or planned any sort of exercise yet. I'll at least walk today but I don't know if I'll manage anything more adventerous than that.

I really want to learn to rollerblade but it is more expensive than I had thought it would be. That may have to wait until we get our tax return, such as it is.

On another note, I spent yesterday morning looking for a way to meet a workout buddy. I've placed ads on Craigslist and joined a couple websites but haven't had any luck. So, yesterday I started my own weight loss support group in my area that will include holding each other accountable and having group workouts. Hopefully I'll make a couple friends who are in the same boat and will push me to work out harder. That's the plan anyway.

So, last night we ended up at Wal-Mart (I was looking for rollerblades) at about 8:30 pm and we had yet to eat dinner. So, I grabbed a few groceries and a container of fresh baked cookies. We ended up eating the entire container before we'd gotten halfway home. Fortunately, I was sharing the container with my 3 kids, so I didn't eat it all myself, but still. I forced myself to eat a bowl of soup when I got home so I'd have something halfway healthy.

Then, about an hour later, I ate the rest of my ice cream. I probably only had 1 1/2 servings, but still. I'd already overeaten with the cookies.

Then, when hubby got home, he handed me and my daughter a huge box of Mike & Ikes to share. I managed to ignore them for about an hour before I gave in and ate several handfuls of the candy. Its not even that they tasted that good, but its candy! I can't ever say no to candy, unfortunately. Must work on this.

Maybe I just need to get off sugar completely. Except that I know I would be absolutely miserable and probably set myself up for failure. I already feel like I've failed just considering it.

Day 98

2010-02-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

Today went well - went for another walk with a friend and it is STILL sunny and warm. It got a little windy but walking kept me warm with the help of the sun.

I had intended to go to the gym at 1:30 pm today, but that didn't work out. First, there was a huge rush project at work that had a 1 pm deadline and I barely made that. At that point, I hadn't even gotten dressed yet so I quickly took a shower. Then, a friend called to say that she was feeling better and was in my neighborhood and could we walk. Since we had initially planned to walk today, I didn't want to say no, so that's how I went from planning a gym trip at 1:30 pm to going for a walk at 2:30 pm. But, after my project was done for work I still needed to do my regular work so I really needed the extra time to do that anyway. After the walk we went for a quick shopping trip and then I came home and finished working. Now its late and I'm headachey and tired and ready for bed, so defo no gym trip today. Must do that tomorrow, without fail.

Weigh-In

2010-02-18T20:11:00.000-08:00

Weight: 149.8
Loss: 0.6

I think I picked a good morning to weigh in and I bet it's higher again tomorrow. But, nevermind, I was happy to be (barely) back in the 140's.

Day 99 went well - I walked a couple miles with a friend - nothing too strenuous or exciting but still exercise. I had planned on going to the gym but, firstly I had too much work on, and secondly I got a migraine this afternoon and had to wait for a new prescription of Imitrex to be filled. I'm still not feeling great. I did manage to get most of my work done and the house tidied a bit. I need to do a really good clean, though.

So, tomorrow MUST be gym day. I shouldn't have any excuses, either, because I have nothing to do all day but work and go to the gym. The friend I was going to walk with in the morning is sick, my other walking pal is out of town tomorrow and I decided not to go to mom's group tomorrow. So, noontime gym workout with my toddler in the childcare game room will be perfect for us both. Nevermind that tomorrow is the last sunny day before a week of rain starts...

Beginning Anew

2010-02-17T22:17:00.000-08:00

I promise I won't keep starting over, again and again. That gets super tiresome. This is my second and last time to begin anew my 100 day goal.

So, Day 100 I went for a lengthy couple mile walk with a friend. It was so sunny and warm today, it was heaven.

Tomorrow I have a walk scheduled for the afternoon. Plus, I am going to make an effort to get to the gym. Either tomorrow or Friday, I must get my lardy butt there to do some real work. Walking is great, but not enough workout to burn many calories or gain much in muscle. Especially since I'm not pushing myself to walk farther than I usually walk, if that makes sense.

Friday morning I have a walk scheduled with another friend who likes to walk fast, so that's good. There's also a couple good hills that way.

As far as weight, I'll post an official weight tomorrow morning but I definitely gained some poundage during my trip. Not surprising since we ate a LOT of carb-rich food and almost no exercise. Not to mention the doughnut gorging during the days before my trip. I'm lucky I didn't gain more than a few pounds.

Days 94 & 93

2010-02-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

So, here's how it went:

Day 94, I was driving 18 hours to So Cal. I figured the only way I'd get any exercise was to walk around every time we stopped for food, fuel or bathroom. This didn't work well for the first several hours of the trip because it was raining steadily through Oregon. We got into California and it was gray and cold, but not raining so I finally got out of the car to walk around the block while hubby was re-fueling. It was cold, with huge snow drifts along the sides of the road. I had gone about a tenth of the way down the block when it began hailing then raining then snowing. I still completed a walk around the block but I was feeling quite wet and cold by the time I got back to the car. At the next few stops it was blissfully precipitation free and I was able to do some more serious walking, and even spent some time chasing the kids around a couple rest stops. Even though I probably hadn't walked more than a mile in total, the fact that I had made a concerted effort to exercise counts as a successful exercise day in my book.

Day 93, went for a rapid-fire walk with my sister who always moves as though she's being chased by a herd of elephants. It was a good walk. Not long but some serious hills involved made it a successful day of exercise.

And that was it - the end of my days of exercising. The following days spent in So Cal were busy and stressful and exercise didn't make it on the agendas. The drive home was exhausting and while I did do some walking around again, it wasn't with the same level of intensity or determination as before and I don't feel I was seriously exercising, rather just stretching my legs.

So, my 100 days goal came to a screeching halt at day 92.

96 & 95 Down

2010-02-10T16:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's exercise was a good walk with a friend through her small downtown. There were a couple of good hills to add to the calorie burn. It was a good time all around. Added bonus was it was sunny and warm.

Today the rain is back, so I had to forego a walk with another friend. Instead, I did a more intense workout of 20 minutes running and 20 minutes walking on the treadmill.

Eating has been CRAP! Seriously! Three solid days of utter crap. Monday, I kept snacking all day on okay stuff and then ended the day with a butterfinger candybar and some Mike & Ike's.

Yesterday, I had a Snickers bar after lunch and then a doughnut and a half after dinner.

Today I ate a doughnut for breakfast, half a doughnut for lunch and nearly a whole doughnut as a snack. (Hubby had brought home a dozen but fortunately they are FINALLY gone.)

I am expecting a huge weight gain. It hasn't happened yet, but I figured my body is probably just gearing up for it to happen tonight or tomorrow. I don't know why I'm eating so terribly suddenly. I almost never eat candy bars or doughnuts and when I do it stops at one. I've been eating like a crazy person lately.

It ends now - with you guys as my witness.

97 & Easy Walk

2010-02-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

Today was a group walk day and because one of the moms has a kid who likes to get in and out of the stroller every 15 feet, we only walked about 2 miles. That's okay, though. It was nice to get out and socialize anyway, and it still counts as exercise on my countdown from 100. It was sunny and almost warm so we also got to play in the nearby park...well, the kids got to play anyway.

98 - Countdown from 100

2010-02-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

I've decided to count down rather count up to 100 for my 100 days of exercise goal. Today wasn't a great workout, but if I hadn't decided yesterday to complete this goal, I wouldn't have exercised at all. I didn't sleep well at all last night, had a really bad morning (related to our income taxes and the realization that we are going to be PAYING a rather largish sum of money rather than receiving a largish sum of money) and then spent 4 hours preparing a cauliflower soup for tonight's dinner and a bean and veggie soup to store for the week. After accomplishing these tasks and then cleaning up, I just wanted to sit down and chill. But, I didn't want to give up on my goal on day 2, so I got out my Wii Fitness Coach game and did 10 minutes of yoga and 10 minutes of core body workout. I figure 20 minutes counts as exercising.

I have been tracking my calories today (yay me) and still have about 550 for dinner. The cauliflower soup is only about 250 and then I will have a bit of chicken and veggies on the side. I should be good.

100 Days of Exercise

2010-02-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

This has been my goal for a while but I haven't been working on it. Today is Day 1! If I'm going to have a goal, I need to at least try to achieve it instead of just writing it down and forgetting it.

I haven't been blogging much and we all know what that means...

Several days of bad eating: fries and cheesecake at a restaurant; carrot cake and a donut (yes, both!); 4 pieces of raisin bread with butter right before dinner - these are just a few examples of what I've been up to over the last week. And, surprise surprise, the scale was up in the 150's range again today. I'm not above calling myself every bad name in the book when I feel I'm sabotaging efforts.

However, today is a turning point. I am back to tracking calories. I am back to working out a little harder (not just a short walk) and I am back to blogging. All the things I need to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Today when I was setting my weight loss goal and inputting my current weight, I realized that to be back in the normal weight range, I have only to lose 37 pounds. Maybe that seems a lot to some, but it surprised me. 37 pounds IS a lot, but it's not when you consider I started with more than 70 pounds to lose when I started. It doesn't seem a lot when you consider that I've already lost 35 pounds. It has taken me a while, but I've done it and I continue to do it. I'm not a failure or weak or lacking self-discipline or all the other things I tell myself on a daily basis; because I'm doing it - on my own time. And it's working. So, I need to keep doing what I know works. And aside from that, I need to revel in what I've gained with my weight loss: I wear jeans nearly daily now; I sleep well; I have energy; I'm ten times happier and more content with life than I was a year ago; I can move my body in ways I couldn't a year ago; I don't shy away from going out and socializing; and then some.

It gave me the motivation to have a good workout today. I walked with the kids for 2 miles and then jogged/walked on my treadmill another 2.5 miles. I would have run more but my knee has been hurting and I didn't want to push it. Either way, it was a good workout. I feel tired and sore but good. Tomorrow I should get thee to the gym. :)

Weigh-In

2010-01-28T11:11:00.000-08:00

Weight: 149.2
Loss: 1.8

I'm thrilled to finally be in the 140's (although I've been in the 140's for nearly a week now). I was doing really well and then had a couple bad days but another good day yesterday.

However, 2 things I'm not doing as well on and they were in my week's goals.

1. I have not been tracking my calories. I keep telling myself to start again but I just haven't yet. Today I will start again.

2. I haven't exercised at the gym or at home or Jazzercise (for which I am still paying cuz I missed the cutoff) or anywhere except for my walks. Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy that at least I'm still walking most days. However, I haven't run on the treadmill, used my Wii workouts, or DVD workouts or been to the gym in over a week. The walking is nice, but certainly not a "real" workout. I spent weeks experiencing muscle soreness in various parts of my body and I've probably lost all those muscles I'd gained because I've not really worked out to any significant degree in over a week. So, I told hubby today that I MUST get to the gym.

Today has not started off well (woke with a headache and slept much later than I'd intended to cuz hubby was home to get kids to school) but that doesn't mean it has to end not well. I have a scheduled group walk at 2:30 pm, but I'm determined to go to the gym after. Even though it will be super busy because of the time of day, oh well. I can't keep putting off a good workout because the gym may be too busy or because of something else going on. Working out and eating well must be my priorities.

Okay, back to work...

Feeling down

2010-01-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

I don't know why, but I woke feeling down in the dumps. I feel like my weekend flew past without me really accomplishing anything. I didn't do any form of hard exercise, just walks, and my house is a mess with laundry washed but not put away. I kept thinking, what did I do this weekend? I got shopping done and learned the knit stitch, but nothing else. Then again, do I need to accomplish stuff each weekend? Isn't it okay to just chill for a couple days?

Even though I was categorically unsuccessful with my goals last week, I'm going to jot down this week's and make a fresh start of it:

1. Track calories
2. Run at least once
3. Visit gym at least once
4. Work on book at least once
5. Clean bedroom/bathroom

I think I will feel better when my house is cleaner and better organized, hence the last goal. I am pretty good about keeping the downstairs clean and I have a friend coming over on Thursday so I know I will clean then, but the upstairs gets ignored. I think I feel edgy when my house is really messy and cluttered so getting everything put away and cleaned up should help me feel better.

Too busy to eat

2010-01-23T19:54:00.000-08:00

It's true that staying busy and away from the house a lot is really helpful in trying to eat less. I've hardly been eating anything the last few days and tonight is the first night I really want to snack. Not surprising since tonight is the first night I've had a moment to sit and just relax. I wish I could always be this distracted from eating. Even grocery shopping was easier because I wasn't hungry or interested in the food other than that I needed to buy stuff to make for dinner. I planned two weeks worth of meals, used coupons and store ads to make my grocery list, and spent less than $200. Not bad for a family of 5! And it isn't as though we aren't eating well: we have spaghetti with ground turkey, whole chicken, two chicken casseroles, chili with ground turkey, and a pot roast on the menu. I also bought lunch stuff, soups, diet frozen dinners, fresh and canned fruit, fresh and frozen veggies, lots of cereals, etc. I never buy cookies or chips anyway, so I didn't get those. But, I got snack crackers for the kids, cheese, 4 gallons of milk, various fruit juice for the kids and even a half gallon of ice cream. So, it isn't as though I didn't get a full spectrum of groceries. I just shopped smartly. It did take a LOT of time to organize my list and hit three different grocery stores, but well worth it. And trying to get it all done, plus I needing to get house work done and laundry this weekend, with a birthday party to attend tomorrow, I was plenty distracted from impulse buying. I still have lots to get done tonight but I also want to learn how to knit, so it's going to be a busy evening as well! Good, I say. I'm definitely seeing results.

The Flu

2010-01-21T22:05:00.000-08:00

There's nothing like the flu to create some weight loss. Unfortunately, it's almost all water and you'll just drink it back in over the next few days. Still, I was 150.0 this morning. A 149.8 would have been nicer, but I'll take what I can get. Especially as it'll be back up in the next couple days.

The bad side of the flu is that I haven't exercised all week except for a couple walks. NOT GOOD! I am probably losing muscle as we speak. I'll have to get sore all over again -UGH!

I haven't gotten back to tracking my calories. This week has definitely been a bust. Ah well, tomorrow is another day...

Weigh-In

2010-01-20T11:02:00.000-08:00

I'm a little surprised at my numbers this morning. The last couple days I have been eating really badly. I suppose it just hasn't caught up with me yet.

Weight: 151.0
Loss: 1.6

So close to the 140's but just not there. Trying to reign it in over the next few days so I can get the number down. Course, I am becoming way obsessed over the scale, which isn't a good thing.

As far as my weekly goals, I didn't track my calories yesterday; I haven't been to the gym this week; I haven't attended a gym class (I slept through this morning's); and I haven't run. Blech. I need to get my head back in the game.

Food

2010-01-19T22:21:00.000-08:00

That's all I thought about today - food. I ate a lot. I don't know how much because I didn't track it. And I ate bad - chocolate, ice cream, candy, McDonald's, coke. Ugh! I probably undid about a week's worth of exercising in one day. And it wasn't that I was unhappy today. I just had no willpower whatsoever. I had no discipline or drive to focus on my healthy eating. I didn't even try to deny myself. I really didn't even justify it other than that to think that at least its been a long time since I've eaten this way - what the hell kinda reasoning is that? I didn't fight myself at all.

So, what's going on... My 2 year old is sick with the flu, which is a bit stressful. Work is, well, work. It isn't that bad at the moment other than I don't want to do it because now that I'm getting friends I have better things to do. Um, I've been super busy, but in a good way, or so I assumed. I don't know, really. I have been really pushing myself with exercise and today was the first day in a couple weeks that I didn't exercise at all, not even a walk, and didn't feel sore in any muscle.

I was feeling guilty over the weekend because of my 16 year old, who is currently living with his father. I was worrying that maybe I haven't been making enough of an effort to touch base with him, check on how he's doing. That could definitely cause me to want to sabotage myself.

Or maybe I'm feeling the pressure of getting close to the 140's and I am struggling with that. I mean, sometimes when you are close to a goal, you start freaking out that you're going to fail so you just give up before that can happen. Maybe that's where my head is?

I really don't know but I hope I can get my game back on tomorrow.

I can say that I have noticed a trend where I have one to three days a week where my calories go way up. Its a wave each week. I start out low, then hit a peak sometime in the middle of the week, then coast back down to a reasonable level. So, I've learned something tracking my calories.

Busy

2010-01-18T20:35:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how busy I've become lately. Between work and everything else, I'm starting to get a bit anxious that maybe I'm spreading myself too thin. Today was nearly a nightmare trying to get my work done in the morning, a walk in in the afternoon and the dinner at a friend's house this evening. I then came home to more work I need to do to clear off my desk because I have somewhere to be in the morning. Then, back home to do more work, then a doctor's appt in the late afternoon and a run scheduled for tomorrow evening. I like it but I hope I don't drive myself to the ground. Cuz, this doesn't include taking care of three kids, dinner and a house. We'll see how it goes.

The good thing about being so busy is that I don't have much time to eat. When I'm lazing on the couch watching TV or reading a book, my thoughts always go straight to food. But, if I'm working until late then I am too busy to want to snack. I didn't even eat that much today, which is GOOD! Although, I guess what I did eat wasn't that great. Oh well.

I'm REALLY hoping to hit the 140's at my weigh-in this week. I was so close last week but had a bad day that pushed my weight back up. This morning I was at 151.6 or something like that, so only a couple pounds to get into the 140's. I really want to finally get there.

Weekly Goals

2010-01-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

I have so much going on, between my mom's group, walking group and gym classes, that I had to make up a weekly schedule for myself. Which is awesome, by the way. The busier I am, the less likely I am to succumb to mindless eating or binges.

On top of that, it worked out pretty well to have some short-term goals, so I'm going to set some new ones now for the next 7 days:

1. Run twice.
2. Attend at least 1 gym class.
3. Continue to track calories every day.
4. At least 1 day of upper body strength training.
5. Cook 1 new healthy meal.

Sadly, I've only gone to my new gym once. Isn't that pathetic? So, today I sat down with the class schedule and scheduled myself to attend two classes (Turbo Kick) and one free-style to do some upper body work. All I have to do is follow my schedule and keep tracking my calories. Today I am going to the library so I will find a new healthy cookbook.

GOAL!!

2010-01-15T19:06:00.000-08:00

Forever, I've had the goal of jogging for 30 minutes straight. Well, tonight was apparently an enchanted evening on the treadmill because, not only did I jog for 30 minutes... I jogged 40 minutes!! Only 2.5 miles, but that's 1.3 miles more than the last time I jogged earlier this week!!! When I got off the treadmill, I had the itchy burning feeling in my leg muscles, so I'm sure I'm going to be nice and sore tomorrow, but WOW it was great. After the first mile, it was actually rather easy. I was "in the zone" I guess. I feel so happy with myself. I also burned off enough fat, glycogen and fluid to get to 150.0 on the scale. 149.8 would have been nice, but I won't get greedy :) (Is it weird that the first thing I do after exercising is to weigh myself to see how much I "lost?")

Weigh-In

2010-01-14T20:10:00.000-08:00

Weight: 152.6
Gain: 0.4

About what I had expected. I did super well with my eating today, until dessert. I splurged and ate a danish (or 2) and doubled my calories for the day. Fortunately I had eaten so little the rest of the day that I still didn't go over budget, but it was close. Too close. I'm not going to lose weight eating that way, but I also know that you need to splurge occasionally. Okay, I splurge more than occasionally, but I'm working on it.

My walking group is coming together nicely. I have several people interested in starting next week and three of us commenced our first walk today. We didn't go very far or walk very fast, but it's a start. There's another lady who wants to join but can only do weekends so I'm going to walk with her on Saturday. That means a lot of walking for me! Which is great. I still need to do my other workouts though. Although, I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to have time for everything. Between working full time, having a moms group, a walking group, plus trying to get to the gym for exercise classes, I'm going to be hard pressed to keep up with everything. But it would certainly not be a bad thing if exercising took over some other meaningless occupation, such as sitting and watching television or reading a book.

Don't need my arm to jog...

2010-01-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

I got on my treadmill today for the first time in...forever. It was too dark, rainy and windy to go walking today or to use the track. I thought about going to the gym (the one I'm paying for, that one) but I had a lot of work and had to spend a few hours at a kid function so I thought I'd better keep it close to home. I really need to determine which classes I want to take and, oh, I don't know, go to one?

Anyway, I did jog for 20 mins straight and then walked for another 10 minutes. Not a bad workout, really. And I plan on getting on the Wii later tonight. I'm excited to try some of the other new games.

Diet is going well today. My calories were up for a few days in a row but so far, so good today. Last night I was doing well until I opted for an ice cream instead of the orange and then followed that up with some Pringles.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I doubt I'll have much of a loss, if not a gain. This morning I was back up to 153, up from 151.6 at the latter part of last week. Oh well...

The Pain

2010-01-12T16:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've read about Delayed Onset of Muscle Soreness (DOMS) but this is ridiculous. I've been mostly fine all day today and yesterday from my upper body workout on SUNDAY, but now, Tuesday at 4:45 pm, I suddenly can hardly lift my arms. And not because I've done anything today, because I've just been sitting here working or watching my son at play group. Talk about delayed! I was a little sore, but now I feel like the muscles in my arms are tearing off the bone. I finally took a bunch of ibuprofen. How pathetic is that??? I won't EVEN tell you the weight I was lifting, because you would laugh your ass...

Food-wise, have done okay today. I didn't walk or do any other form of exercise yet so I'm a little high on my calories for my goal. However, I already added in the calories I will have for dinner (soup & salad & orange) and I plan on jogging on the treadmill tonight when I get back from my dr's appt. That should put me back on track.

I have started a local walking group. Its twice per week in the afternoons and we'll probably walk at least a couple miles. It should really help keep me going, and gets me out of the house. I'm looking forward to getting more members, but so far there's three of us signed up for it and we haven't officially started yet. Not bad for only having moved to the area a few months ago!

Day 6 Went...

2010-01-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

So, Day 6 started out well...but didn't end so well. Firstly, I had a lunch out with my moms group. I did well, eating only a garden salad with ranch dressing on the side. Then hubby and I went out to dinner and, again, I did pretty well, eating only a small steak, baked potato and steamed broccoli (no bread or anything!). Then, when we got home I went for my first workout at the gym.

Let me say here...wow! It was pretty busy even at 8:00 pm on a Sunday night. I was really surprised. I thought for sure it would be a quiet time, but not so. I couldn't do a lot because my calves were still sore, but I walked for a bit on the treadmill and then did some upper body strength training. Enough that I feel a bit sore today.

After getting home from the gym, I had an post workout snack consisting of an apple and crackers w/ low-fat cheese spread.

By that time I was a little high on my calories, but not out of the park. Unfortunately, my eating didn't stop there.

I sat and watched a movie with hubby while consuming the following: More crackers and cheese; a chocolate dipped granola bar; a second chocolate dipped granola bar; and a bowl of pringles. My total calories for the day amounted to approx 2300. Which meant I ate 250 MORE calories than I had burned throughout the day, despite my workout.

Today I did pretty well until dinner. I had bean and ham soup, which was a bit high on the calories because of the beans. Then I ate popcorn and ANOTHER chocolate dipped granola bar. (Fortunately the granola bars are GONE and I will never buy them again because I obviously have no control when they are in the house.) I've eaten about 1450 calories, but fortunately I walked for over an hour this afternoon. I still didn't meet my restriction goal for my weight loss, but at least I didn't eat more calories than I burned. Between yesterday and today, my weight loss isn't going to be as good this week. Ah well...

Day 5 Down

2010-01-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today went pretty well. My calves are still sore so I didn't go to the gym. I thought about going and just doing upper body work, but then decided to wait until tomorrow. I did go for a walk with a friend. We walk a lot, through our neighborhood and surrounding neighborhoods, rather aimlessly. Today I took my new heart rate monitor because it tracks steps, mileage, calories, etc. Its so sensitive, that even on my wrist and with me pushing a stroller, it was still counting each step. Anyway, after we were done, I looked at it and saw that we had walked a little over 2 miles in 1 hour and burned nearly 200 calories. Not bad! And pushing the strollers we probably burned a little more. Probably walking a 30 minute mile isn't great, but apparently that's how fast (slow) we are.

I've only had about 930 calories today, but I will eat a snack before I go to bed. I'm really trying to hit the 1200 mark, especially when I exercise even a little. I'm probably okay going under but I don't want to do it too many days in a row and end up with a slower metabolism.

I've been tracking my calories on Fitday and noticed that I'm getting very little protein. I looked into buying a protein shake or protein bar today, but the calories are outrageous!!! In my Eat This Not That book, it says the best after-workout beverage is a choco milk, so I purchased some Organic Horizon single-serve choco milk drinks. Each is 180 calories and 10 grams of protein and isn't made up of chemicals, so I think I'll stick to those.

Day 4 Down & Decision Made

2010-01-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

Day 4 went well with regard to eating.

Breakfast was 2 scrambled eggs with canola spray and an apple.

Lunch was a yogurt and cheese (I'm trying to increase my protein).

Dinner was a southwestern style chicken salad and a dinner roll.

Beverages consisted of 1 coffee and several glasses of water.

Total calories for the day: 875

I was actually aiming for 1200 but I just haven't eaten that much. And, weirdly, I'm NOT HUNGRY. I have no idea why this is but I'm going to enjoy it!

So, I was still vacillating about the gym membership. I was dragging my feet. I was leaning toward not getting it. I just couldn't see myself working out in the street, essentially.

Today was a difficult day with work. I had to re-do a coworker's report because she'd messed it up so badly and it pretty much took me my entire day, which meant delegating some of my work to others. I HATE having to fob my stuff off on other people. Plus I feel stressy about my inbox being so jam packed with work, which will mean a stressful Monday. (I don't work weekends anymore, ever, no matter what.) Not to mention that it was head-bangingly frustrating to fix someone else's pile of crap. Anyway, so after work was done I loaded everyone in the van and off we went. Except I didn't actually have anywhere to go. I kept asking the kids if they wanted to do anything, but they were no help. I decided to go grocery shopping. On the way, I decided I was going to stop by another 24 Hour Fitness. This one is their upscale model and I couldn't get it with my insurance discount, but I wanted to see it before I made my final decision.

I knew as soon as I walked in that that was the place for me. Clean and shiney and no asses hanging out the front windows. Its on its own property, so no gawking passersby even if you did have to workout near the windows. And unlike the other gym, no one paid me any attention when I was walking around on the tour. Its bigger, cleaner, nicer and has better equipment. They even have a much better kids play area. I was already calculating how I could come up with the $400 for the year when the salesman told me they were offering a no joining fee special and the monthly is $37. I was like, say what? That's only $2 more than Jazzercise for a helluva lot more. But you have to sign a contract for several years and pay a hefty fee if you break the contract, says I. Not at all, says he. Its a month-to-month, no contract. REALLY??? I was practically jumping up and down in place. I could so see myself working out there. Can you guess what my decision was? :)

Day 3 Down (Yesterday)

2010-01-08T09:36:00.001-08:00

So, as far as my goals for this week, here's what I had said I would do:

1. Run at least twice.
2. Attend at least 2 Jazzercise classes
3. Track calories
4. Look into ways to re-motivate myself
5. Find something to look forward to

I ran once this week, so still one day to go.

I only attended one Jazzercise class and there aren't any more this week, so I didn't meet this goal.

I did track my calories yesterday and the day before. I've been keeping to 1000 - 1200 calories.

I have been blogging daily, looking into new ways to exercise, and reading motivational stories of weight loss.

I have made arrangements to meet a neighbor to start walking together. She has a daughter near my youngest son's age and I'm looking forward to having another walking partner / playground buddy for my son.

I played my new Wii Fit Plus game last night. I like it a lot better than the original. It tracks your calories burned (although I think they are very generous with the numbers) and you can set up which exercises you want to do in advance. I played a couple of the new games and I look forward to playing some more. They seem to be pretty cool. My calves are sore today, so I know I did work out! Course, that puts me off running today, which is a bummer.

I have not made a decision on the gym except that I was able to download a free pass and I won't make a decision until I've actually worked out there. I need to know if its something I will feel comfortable doing.

Weigh-In & Question

2010-01-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

Current Weight: 152.2
Loss: 1.8

That's actually a re-loss really. I was down to 152.8 a couple weeks ago, and then up to 154 last week from eating too much after xmas. But, it's good to be down. I was kinda expecting more because I've been super good with my diet, but I have to remind myself that: a. I've only been super good for a few days really and b. I've been exercising hard which can cause water retention initially. So, at least it's a loss and next week I will see better numbers, I bet. Not that this is bad numbers.

So, here's my question: I am currently attending Jazzercise for $35 per month. The dance studio is located practically around the corner from me. I'm pretty comfortable going because I'm used to the people and there's always a variety of attendees. Plus I've learned the steps pretty well. Its always a good full body workout, with 30 minutes of cardio, 15 minutes of strength training and 15 minutes of stretching. I don't always work out every muscle equally and the strength training is NOT difficult at all, but at least I always feel like I get a pretty thorough workout considering we are only working out for 60 minutes. The classes are three evenings per week at 6:00.

However, I am considering switching to 24-Hour Fitness. The pros: I can purchase an entire year's membership through my insurance for $220. They have a child care center so I can workout any time of the day or evening or midnight if I want. They have multiple workout classes at various times, including pilates which I've been wanting to take. There is a pool so I can incorporate swimming into my workouts, which I'd like. I'd also like to use the stair master and bicycle as well as the assorted strength training machines. Since I can pay for the whole year up front, I won't have to worry about a monthly fee like I do with Jazzercise. The cons: The cardio and strength training machines are all in one large room with windows all along the front so no sense of privacy while exercising. There were a LOT of people working out when I went to tour the gym, which is understandable since it was 7:00 pm and just into the new year, but considering the popularity of 24 hour fitness, I know there will always be numerous people there. Fortunately, there were people of all sizes. The fuel I'll use on the drive will eat up the money I save on the membership fee. Plus, the long drive might deter me from working out there as often.

I need to cancel Jazzercise before the 15th, so I still have a few days to think about it, but would like some input from others about it. Thanks in advance!

Day 2 Down

2010-01-06T16:53:00.000-08:00

Did my jog today. It didn't start out well - in fact, I thought after the first couple laps that I wasn't going to make it even a mile. I did a lot of jumping jacks yesterday when doing my new Wii exercises and my legs were aching once I had started running. I made it about 6 laps before I had to stop and walk. But, rather than just giving up at that point, I kept forcing myself to jog after walking about 10 seconds. I probably walked about 1 lap and jogged 9 laps in total. Not too bad I guess, especially considering my legs are sore. They weren't sore at all before I started jogging but they're very sore now.

I made a start at tracking my calories but then stopped so I need to get back to that.

I've been doing REALLY well with my eating. Scarily well, in fact. Last night I ate a bowl of Healthy Choice soup, 1/2 cup of squash and an apple. And I told myself I could have a yogurt later, cuz I had burned about 200 calories with my exercising, but I didn't. I didn't feel that hungry so I skipped the yogurt and was very happy with myself.

I haven't seen much of a movement on the scale, but I know that when you start exercising more your body retains water so I'm not going to let it bother me.

Today I've eaten a bowl of Total cereal for breakfast and mixed veggies with cranberries for lunch. I'm going to have a cup of choco milk for a snack because it's supposed to be good for an after-workout beverage.

Now I just have to make it through the rest of the evening without going off on one of my binges.

1 day down

2010-01-05T12:33:00.000-08:00

First half of my first goal done: I went to Jazzercise last night. It was a good workout. I felt happy with myself for going. It wasn't a full class yet, but I know it will fill up over the next several weeks.

I plan on doing my new Wii workout, which is just a glorified exercise DVD. The nice thing about it is that I can do any kind of exercise I want, be it strength training, aerobic or yoga. Or a little of all three, which is what I plan on doing tonight. Apparently it contains over 400 different exercises and you can choose the music and background. It should be good.

I did well with my eating last night. I ate a bowl of soup, one piece of bread and a light yogurt. And I didn't eat again the rest of the night. Of course, it helped that I went to bed early.

I'm looking forward to the new season of BL starting tonight. Watching the super heavy contestants work their butts off is motivational. I mean, if they can do it at 300 plus or more pounds, then I can certainly do it.

I also need to do a run, but I want to do it tomorrow. My plan is to get up early enough to get a jog in before I take the kids to school. That would be great!

I still haven't decided on WW.

Motivation, Weight Watchers, Running & Feeling Bummed

2010-01-04T13:28:00.000-08:00

First off, I'm bummed because its back to the daily grind. The 2 week hiatus during the holidays was a nice break. I was still working, but the kids were home and I had family visiting and it was just a break from the norm.

Eating-wise, I didn't do too hot but neither did I have any binges. It helps when your parents are staying with you :). We ate healthfully, if not necessarily low-cal. And we had pie for dessert two different nights. But, still... no binging and we were eating good home-cooked dinners including salads and steamed veggies. We also ate good breakfasts because my parents are used to cooking breakfast every morning and they are both health-conscious of what they eat. In fact, my mom lost about 40 pounds this year and is as thin as she was when she was in her 20s, so she is pretty conscious of what she eats. We also managed to get some form of exercise in every day, primarily consisting of walks and doing the Wii Fit. My mom LOVED the Wii Fit and plans to buy her own. I'm looking forward to getting my Wii Fit Plus from Amazon, which should come in next week.

I didn't run at all this week. I tried going for a run the day before my parents flew in last Wednesday but it was icy and I kept worrying I was going to slip and fall. Plus, in trying to plant my feet well with each stride, my calves started aching. So, I only managed to jog for half a mile. So, first goal this week is to get a couple days of runs in. Tonight I'm determined to go to Jazzercise, though. I want to get back into the habit before all the resolutioners start filling up the class.

I'm considering joining Weight Watchers. I want to get serious about my weight loss. I haven't made any significant in-roads in my weight loss for nearly a year. I want to get into the 140s and below. But, I seem to have trouble getting motivated. On the other hand, I had joined Weight Watchers in the past and it hadn't helped much. But, then again, I know that the leader can have a huge impact on the success of the program. And your fellow WW's. Besides the cost, I'm loathe to give up one of my Jazzercise class days. Even though I haven't been going every class, if I join WW then I definitely won't go to all three classes per week and I think I should make myself available to all 3 since I'm paying for it. Hopefully that makes sense. On the other hand, if it helps to get my butt into gear with my diet...

So, here are my goals for this week (it's a goal oriented week after all):

1. Run at least twice.
2. Attend at least 2 Jazzercise classes
3. Track calories
4. Look into ways to re-motivate myself
5. Find something to look forward to

Hope everyone survived the holidays!

Weigh-In

2009-12-30T18:25:00.000-08:00

Weight: 154.8
Gain: 2

Yep, a gain this week. One could blame it on Christmas, but I know that isn't when I gained the weight. I actually did really well on Christmas day and the day following. It was the 27th, 28th and 29th that were the gut busters. I don't know why, but I was doing that thing...you know, where you can't stop eating, don't feel full even when your stomach is uncomfortably stuffed? When you can't seem to stop walking to the cupboard and/or fridge, over and over again, like every ten minutes or even five minutes. Sometimes you close it and walk away. Maybe even over and over, you walk to the fridge, open the door, look inside, close the door and walk away, only to return after 5 minutes and repeat the process. Once, twice, three times, then, on the fourth round, you grab a pudding cup, or a slice of cheese, or some bread and peanut butter. Make a quick snack. Then go back to what you were doing. Except, five minutes later, you're up and back at the fridge. Gazing at the shelves while you still have the taste of peanut butter in your mouth. And you know you aren't technically hungry, but you WANT to eat. Its not a vague want, but a driving need... yes, I can see why people call overeating an addiction. I have spent the last three nights knowingly eating well beyond my calorie needs for the day; caring but not caring that I was definitely eating more than I was burning off. Eating when I knew damn well I wasn't in the least hungry in the physical sense. I didn't try to distract myself or write in my journal or try to ignore it; I gave in without much fight actually. I even rather enjoyed giving in. Like I was sticking it to myself. The other self, the self that exercises and counts calories and reads diet books and makes goals.

I feel better today. I guess I've had my "fix" for the time being.

Me & Christmas = Exercise (??)

2009-12-28T18:16:00.000-08:00

Yep, I spent Christmas day exercising my leg muscles rather than my jaw muscles. Hubby was grand enough to buy me a heart rate monitor (yay!) and he surprised me with the Biggest Loser game for the Wii for Christmas. I hadn't played the Wii in ages! I initially purchased it to play the Wii Fit game but got bored after a few weeks and shoved it in the closet. We hadn't even unpacked it when we moved in August.

First thing, I went out to do my run with my new heart rate monitor. I ran 9 laps for just over 1 mile. Okay, that doesn't sound like much, but trust me it is! For me to be able to run an entire mile is a big, big deal. I didn't time myself but I did use my heart rate monitor to calculate the mileage and also I tracked my heart rate (obviously). When I was halfway through, I looked and saw that my heart rate was just over 100 BPM. This seemed low, so I sped up until I got a side cramp on lap 6. I slowed down a wee bit for the next two laps and then sped up again on the last lap. When I checked my heart rate, it was 189!

After that, I played the Wii BL game. It was basically a fairly intense (I chose intermediate level) workout with occasional comments from the trainer (I chose Jillian). I only did the one workout so I don't know if it is the same workout each time. They also have challenges you can do. But, no games I was sad to see.

You're supposed to be able to track your caloric intake as well, to help you stay on track to losing weight. However, they only give you options for small, medium or large meals with a set number of calories for each. That could put you off your total number by several hundred calories at the end of the day.

Since we had the Wii out, we played some Wii sports too. It was fun - it's been so long that it was almost like new again.

I made a simple dinner of roasted turkey, baked sweet potatoes and frozen veggies. Since we're so far from family now, we didn't have to go anywhere or have anyone over on Christmas day. It was a nice, relaxing, no pressure day.

In the aftermath of all the Christmas exercising, I've barely been able to walk up and down the stairs! I hobble like an old lady. So, I guess the BL workout and the run were good exercise. I'm bummed that I couldn't go for a jog today, but I was able to hobble around the track at a very slow walk just to get a LITTLE exercise and fresh air. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow!! I'm drinking tons of water, so I'd better be up to running again...

Holidays...gotta love em

2009-12-22T23:48:00.000-08:00

So, I made the mistake of taking the kids shopping with their christmas money from grandma tonight. What was I thinking??? I had to eat a McDonald's Big Mac, fries and coke to ease the pain of the traffic and people. Okay...I just really wanted a cheeseburger and fries, but I would have been way more bothered by the traffic and dealing with so many people at once if I hadn't put myself in a fat/sugar coma.

After visiting a couple clothing shops for my 14 year old, I drove us to Barnes & Noble and it was blissfully quiet. I didn't even have to search for a parking space! I guess people don't buy books for christmas presents.

Notice how I capitalize McDonald's and Big Mac but not christmas???? I guess we know what's more important to me.

I didn't step on the scale today, which I know is a good thing. I'm disappointed with my continued "bad" eating. But, today I was much more "oh give up and relax!" to myself. I mean, so it's Christmas (happy?) time and making myself grouchy and upset isn't going to help me to stay on plan is it? Better to just go with the flow and get through this crazy week. Then I can go back to mentally flogging myself.

Yoyo anyone?

2009-12-21T21:47:00.000-08:00

I know there's yoyo dieting, but how bout yoyo'ing while dieting in one day? Like, starting out the morning with high-fiber cereal with no sugar, followed by a 1 mile run (I'm just starting out!) and veggie soup with an orange for lunch with morefoodthanIcanlisthere the rest of the day. I couldn't stop thinking about food! (sigh)

I'm so predictable.

Today isn't much better. I started with four pieces of cinamon raisin English muffins and real butter, then had bread w/ peanut butter, cheesy eggs and a couple cookies tossed in for good measure followed by a good round of Jazzercise (yay me!). I then had low-cal beef soup (good), whole grain light bread (good) and a Snickers bar (bad).

Yeah, no control. Whatsoever. And I'm still obsessed with food. Maybe that's why I got fat? Could be...

Cookies, Again

2009-12-20T13:06:00.000-08:00

Well, at least they tasted good this time.

Yesterday morning I decided to take the kids to Joann's to get some holiday craft making supplies. Actually, I'm not very creative so I just buy the craft-in-a-box variety. However, they didn't really have any at Joann's and I didn't want to drive to Oregon to go to Michael's. So, we instead purchased an assortment of paintable ornaments and pen-paints.

I then remembered we have cookie cutters that I've never used but have had for several years. So, I thought, why not make sugar cookies and let the kids decorate them? They never really taste good so I wouldn't be tempted to eat them.

And off we went to the grocery store to buy supplies. I texted a friend and invited her and her husband over to decorate and eat cookies. Then I realized that I should make other cookies as well, if I was going to have company over. So, I purchased some chocolate chips. As we were getting ready to go to the checkout, I told my 14 year old to grab some old-fashioned oats so she could try making oatmeal cookies again. I told her to buy the kind that weren't quick oats as that was probably the mistake she had made with the last batch. Oh, yeah, and they had a display of marshmallows and krispies on sale by the checkout so I grabbed the makings of rice krispie treats.

We went home and painted ornaments and then started making cookies. I wasn't going to eat any, well, maybe one or two. I felt strong.

I don't know how many cookies I ate - I couldn't count on two hands probably. And cookie dough (it was so good!). All the cookies turned out fabulously. I kept chugging water to keep my tummy feeling full and I ate a huge baked potato with cheese before we started baking so I wouldn't be hungry for hours, but it didn't stop me from sampling throughout the entire bake-fest.

Fortunately, I had made a pot of veggie soup that morning, which we all ate for dinner. It couldn't have had very many calories since it was entirely made up of fresh veggies. I ate a huge bowl between batches of cookies to also keep me feeling full.

We ended up baking for hours - mostly my 14 year old and myself since the two little ones got bored after a while. They did enjoy cutting out the christmas cookies and, much later, decorating them. So did my friend and her husband. I made them a huge bag of cookies to take home with them. However, we still have several bags of cookies in the pantry that I need to dispose of (and, hopefully, NOT by eating them myself).

I enjoyed our day though. And while I feel disturbed at the number of cookies I ate yesterday, I know it could have been way worse. I know I didn't eat until my stomach feel achingly full or mindlessly. I enjoyed every cookie I ate. I was thoughtful of every cookie I ate. I know that I will need to be extra good today and have a really good workout to use up all those extra calories, but that's okay. I enjoyed our bake-fest and I would rather enjoy holiday baking with my kids and even eat a little too much on that day then try to avoid things we love doing together because I'm too concerned with calories. It's okay to indulge sometimes. It just has to be within reason, done with full acknowledgement and understood there is a need for a little extra effort in the following days.

Yeah, I had a moment of angst when I stepped on the scale this morning and saw I was up 2 pounds. But, instead of giving up on my efforts and pulling out a bag of cookies to drown my misery into, I ate a bowl of wheatabix with no sugar and donned my workout clothes. It's all give and take, right?

Weigh-In

2009-12-18T13:32:00.000-08:00

Previous weight: 154.4
Today's weight: 152.8

I'm so happy with my success the last couple weeks! I can't believe I'm down to 152 and nearly to the 140's. I haven't been in the 140's for nearly 8 years. I can't believe it's been so long.

I am a member of a stay-at-home/work-at-home moms group and we met yesterday for a christmas gift exchange. It was fun; HOWEVER, they took a group photo for the group's web page. I look HORRIBLE. So fat and messy. I am so embarrassed that people will be looking at that photo over and over. Especially considering how good everyone else looks. They're all thin and young and have their hair/makeup in order. My hair looked like I'd slept in a hedge and forgotten to brush my hair in the morning. I also hadn't put on makeup and my face looks washed out and bloated. Hubby says I don't look that bad but I don't believe him.

Cookies

2009-12-11T09:46:00.000-08:00

So here's how it works...

I had a pretty good food day yesterday. The only fly in the ointment (not literally, I'm not that desperate) was I had had a piece of leftover birthday cake after lunch. But, lunch was a baked potato with fat-free cheese and salt so it was okay. I had turkey and green beans for dinner. My total calories for the day was 1213, which was good because, again, except for a rather light walk, I hadn't exercised and opted to go shopping instead of Jazzercise because I'm lame that way. But, anyway, the point is I had still had a good day despite my lack of significant exercise.

Then, last night, at like 11:00 pm, my daughter decided to make oatmeal cookies. They smelled good, but not mouth-watering good. I wasn't hungry.

She asked me if I wanted any. I didn't. Two, please, I said instead.

I ate the first. It was okay, a bit too much baking soda or something. It didn't taste great. It didn't satisfy some great beast inside me. It was just okay and I was reading my book and eating it.

So, that's it, right? I wasn't hungry. The cookie didn't taste that good. I was happy with my calories for the day up to that point. I was a happy person, in fact, at that moment. Not ecstatically, let's celebrate happy, but happy content.

I ate the second cookie.

I don't know why, other than that it was there on my plate and it was a cookie. I mean, who leaves a cookie on their plate??

The second was no better than the first. And, while eating the second cookie, I kept thinking "why am I eating this?" But, I still ate the entire thing.

So, that's my story, I ate the two cookies I didn't want nor need and pushed my calories out of the deficit range. Ho hum.

Weigh-In

2009-12-10T10:13:00.000-08:00

Previous Weight: 155.4
Current Weight: 154.4

Another pound - gone! I'm always happy for a pound since I'm more likely to maintain than actually lose. And a pound is a lot, actually. Maybe not on BL, but in terms of physicality, even a pound can make a difference in how your clothes fit and how you look.

Funny thing is, I had decided last weekend that I would stop worrying about calories and losing weight and focus on another goal I had for when I lost enough weight. I've always wanted to run a marathon. I don't particularly enjoy running, but I love the idea of the physical strength and perseverence it takes to finish a marathon.

So, I've found a 5k I want to run on April 11. Not a marathon or even a half marathon, but I have to start somewhere. I have a paved trail behind my house that, I estimate, is about an eighth of a mile around. So, last weekend hubby and I went out there to see how long it would take me to run a mile. I didn't think I'd be able to run a full mile, and I didn't, but I only walked one eighth of the mile and jogged the rest. That was pretty good compared to how I used to be. It also took me more than 10 minutes, but its a start.

See, I have this problem with lack of follow-through, especially on the hard stuff. So, if I can train for and work toward completing a 5k and then actually do it, that would be amazing. I would prove to myself what I actually can do.

So, here's how my mind works, I guess. I haven't trained a SINGLE DAY since I made that goal. However, I've been especially good with my calorie tracking and eating. Better than I have in months! I'm so contrary!

Weigh-In

2009-12-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

Previous Weight: 156.8

Current Weight: 155.4

Loss: 1.4

Not bad, considering I still haven't been back to Jazzercise and have only walked twice this week. Plus my eating hasn't been all that great. I'm happy with that number. It motivates me to try a little harder, actually.

And Again

2009-12-02T18:50:00.001-08:00

So, I did well for two days and then flung myself head first off the wagon once more. I'm regular, I'll give myself that. I'm defo a two on...several off...kinda gal. It's exasperating, to put it mildly.

Nevermind, tomorrow is a new day. And back on the jazzercise wagon. I MUST go tomorrow - I haven't gone in 2 weeks! Plus I need to burn off tonight's dinner. I should work out tonight, but I can't be bothered. I didn't even go for a walk today. Ah well... at least I got some house cleaning done. Or tidying at least.

Feeling Stronger

2009-12-01T09:13:00.001-08:00

Last night I finished work, loaded the kids into the car and headed to the grocery store. We didn't need a lot because we were gone all last week, but we needed cereals, breads, fruits and veggies that were used up or spoiled while we were away. Even though I regained the couple pounds I lost at the beginning of last week and haven't really exercised in the past week, I felt smaller while walking around the store. I don't know why, but I felt better than I have in a long time. I usually feel extremely self-conscious at the store, but I didn't. I felt...at peace with myself and just content to be doing a normal, everyday activity.

Later that night, I sat watching Biggest Loser and working on a crochet project. I, of course, kept thinking about food. I had purchased some diet friendly snacks at the store and I really wanted to eat one or two even though I had eaten plenty for dinner. But, I resisted and actually made it to bed without eating again. And, really it wasn't that difficult.

So what was different? Usually the pull to eat food at night is so great that I can't resist most nights. Sometimes I don't even try to resist and other times I ignore the desire to eat for a couple hours before I finally give in to it. So, why was it relatively easy last night? Obviously, I felt better, more content; much more than I usually do. So, that could answer the question as to why it was easier to resist eating.

Which leads me to question why I felt better. What happened that I felt more at peace with myself and less unhappy with who I am?

The only answer that really makes any sense is my visit with my parents. I've always felt that I was a disappointment to my parents, for not having a bigger career, having too many kids, marrying too young, etc. I don't live the lifestyle they wanted me to live. But, during this visit, I didn't feel any of that, that I was a disappointment or not good enough. I didn't feel like I was annoying my parents just by my very existence. I felt they accepted me for who I've become and the decisions I've made and they were just happy to see me and visit with me and the lifestyle choices and career choices didn't really matter. They just wanted me to be me and to be happy. That's how I felt and it was great.

And I don't think the change in perception was a change in their behavior toward me. I think I just finally opened my eyes and realized that I've been projecting my ideas of who I thought my parents wanted me to be onto them. It was me all along, not them. I just needed to change my perception of myself.

Thanksgiving - Survived

2009-11-30T17:29:00.000-08:00

Fortunately, I guess, I lost weight during the few days leading up to Thanksgiving day. That day and the following couple days I re-gained those couple pounds lost. I loseth and gaineth with equanimity.

Exercise was not so good because I was visiting family in California and off my usual schedule, not near my Jazzercise classes, and busy socializing and eating instead. I got a couple decent walks in and that's about it.

So, per usual, its back to the grindstone today. I've eaten a yogurt for breakfast and a low-fat burrito for lunch. I'm about to go grocery shopping to replenish my fridge. I think I'll go for easy stuff this week; I'm just not in the mood for cooking.

Weigh-In

2009-11-19T13:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't "officially" weighed in since early September.

Today: 156.8
September: 156.4

Gain: 0.4 pounds

I know that isn't bad, that I could have gained a lot of weight since September since I haven't been that good at my diet. On the other hand, it's difficult not to think about how much I could have lost between September and now and how much better I would feel if I had kept losing weight rather than maintaining. Still... maintaining is MUCH better than gaining, so I'll try not to beat myself up about it.

Long Time...

2009-11-17T19:00:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't blogged in nearly two months. Its been pretty busy since we moved and, to be honest, I just haven't been doing well with my diet. I've been exercising, just. Some weeks are better than others. Although, I guess I should be proud that I'm still exercising at all. I usually go to Jazzercise once or twice per week and walk at least once or twice per week. I guess that's not horrible, but it could be a lot better.

I'm still enjoying Jazzercise for the most part, but its not alwasy easy to go. I skipped class tonight because I'm sore from a particularly difficult set of exercises we did last night. However, I will for sure go on Thursday because I'll be out of town all next week and unable to go.

I've joined a moms group and have been taking my 2 year old to various activities. I've made a walking buddy who lives quite nearby through the group and we walk most weekdays when the weather permits. Unfortunately, I'm finding that fall in Washington is very wet and we haven't been able to walk in nearly a week. I'm thinking that I should probably find a mall or something where we can still get a walk in without being outside.

My weight this morning was 157.2, so I've not made any progress in months. I've gotten down to 154, but I have been immediately regaining the few pounds I lose whenever I make progress. Not sure what the issue is. I'm seeing a psychologist at the moment so maybe we can get to the route of some of my binge eating. I swear, I can binge eat carrots and gain weight. I've really got to get a handle on my eating.

Hopefully, I'll get re-motivated when I visit my family next week. I'm really bummed that I can't go home and show off a new body.

Bouncing Ball

2009-09-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

Still doing my up and down, one step forward and two steps back routine. I've been barely maintaining the exercising - although, I guess I could say that I have managed to do at least 3 days a week, even if 2 of the days is a 30 minute walk. I have been going to Jazzercise class every week, but only once last week instead of 3 times as I'm supposed to be doing. Last week was really hectic with work and hubby was working out of town, as well as having sick kids and fighting a cold myself, so I could cut myself some slack. In fact, the one day I did go to Jazzercise, I'd been working non-stop since I woke up in the morning and had a raging headache and a sore throat, but decided to go anyway because I knew if I stop now I'll never start up again. And I had heard that if you're feeling poorly, and it isn't lung-related or accompanied by a fever, exercising can actually make you feel better. And it did! My headache was gone and my energy was back. Unfortunately, I was feeling very body-achey on Thursday, the next class, and knew I couldn't manage the exercises so I walked on the treadmill instead. Tomorrow is the next class and I am for sure going.

Work is crazy busy - busier than it's been in more than a year. Which is good for the money but difficult to keep up with and I have a constant feeling of stress because of the sheer volume of my inbox. I'm just waiting for someone to complain. But, so what if they do? I worry about these things too much. It isn't like I'm not doing the work!

Eating is still not going that great. The only thing saving me from a pig-for-all is the lack of junk food in the house. If I do get the slightest big of junk food in, I consume it in short time. I did make some healthy meals last week, so that was good. But, I've been inhaling copious amounts of popcorn because that's the only snack food in the house. And I mean, eating 2 or 3 bowls a day throughout the day. With butter and salt. Twice I've eaten past the point of fullness. Clearly I have not defeated my food demons.

I am keeping up with my diet journal, at least. I'm on Day 101 with it. I write in it at least every couple days. Obviously it's not had a huge impact on me, but I haven't exactly been writing with purpose. In that, I haven't been trying to determine when I overeat or want to eat for emotional reasons and what just happened or is going on in my head at that point in time. I also haven't been working on my positive thinking. Or some personal goals I had set down for myself.

On the other hand, I'm continuing to be a busy, productive person. I'm continuing to maintain a status quo for myself with regard to how much time I spend being productive versus sitting on my arse, and with regard to exiting the house and thrusting myself amongst my fellow humans. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, as ever, and eventually I will see change. I have to believe that or what would be the point of doing anything?

Progress

2009-09-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while, I guess. If I'm not blogging, I'm usually struggling with my weight and to stay on track. I had finally reached 154 and then in the next weekend I ate and ate my way back to 159. I'm getting back down toward 154 again, but of course it's taking me 10 times as long to get back down than it took to go back up.

Anyway, I did reach one of my ultimate goals, though, and joined a Jazzercise class!! I actually joined last week and attended a class last Thursday. I went to the second class on Monday and today is my third class. Its very affordable (the cost works out to about $2 per session) and really is a good workout. Plus, I needed to get out and meet other people.

The first night was pretty good. I did way better keeping up with the moves than I had thought I would. I am SO happy I'd already been exercising for a while or I would not have been able to do a lot of the exercises. Its cool because after 30 minutes of cardio, there's 15 minutes of strength training with handweights and then some core work and stretching, so you get the full gambut.

Weigh-In & New Goal

2009-09-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

Weight: 156.4
Loss: 2.2

That would be excellent if it weren't for that the last time I weighed in was several weeks ago. Actually, it is excellent anyway, cuz it's going in the right direction, right? And I'm nearing my all-time low in 7 years, which is 154.

So, I haven't had any clear goals, other than to keep losing weight and eat healthier and stay exercising. Which are good goals, but not specific, set goals. I haven't wanted to pressure myself to have to lose a certain amount by a certain time because I felt if I wasn't doing well then I would want to give up.

And maybe that is true of me before, but I don't think it is anymore. I've had a LOT of falls on this journey but I have continued to move forward. I've done a lot of back steps and side steps, but I haven't stopped and given up. The fact that I've been doing this for more than a year tells me how far I've come.

I actually have a vacation planned! I put in a request a few weeks ago for the week of Thanksgiving off from work. An entire week of no work!!! I'll be taking the kids to Southern California to visit my family. I may have to go into the office too, which I haven't been in in nearly a year. I want to be MUCH thinner before I go down there. I would love to be 110, but that isn't going to happen. So I used the tools on FitDay to establish a reasonable goal weight for myself, which is 140. That means I need to lose 1.5 pounds per week. I've been losing 0.5 pounds on average per week, so this will mean putting a lot more effort into my weight loss. I'm ready for that and even a little excited at the prospect of having a real goal to achieve. It will feel great to be able to achieve a specific goal like that.

So, today is the start of my new goal - 140 pounds by November 20. Which means I need to lose 16 pounds.

Money Woes

2009-09-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

So the company both I and my husband work for has decided they are no longer going to pay the full portion of the medical costs for employees - we are now sharing the premium costs. This results in an extra $340 per month out of our paychecks. We had already been paying for the kids' premiums so we will be paying a total of more than $600 per month in insurance premiums for the family. That's a lot of money for us to be paying more per month on a one week notice. I've been pretty ticked about it, in fact. Its essentially a significant pay decrease. I know a lot of people pay this much and more for their medical costs; the difficulty is that we have this sudden, unexpected expense for which we are not financially prepared. We will have to reconsider all of our expenses but I had already stripped most of our unnecessary expenses, so I don't know where the money will come from, or what we won't be able to pay as a result. I think we can still manage, but it does mean little to no disposable income and having to try to work more hours. But, that's the problem, too, we haven't been working full time still since the work slowdown last year. A couple weeks ago I only managed to bill 19 hours for the entire week.

Suffice it to say, I'm feeling extremely stressy and upset about this situation. The night I learned of it, I tried to go for a jog to let off some steam, but I broke my toe a couple weeks ago and its not healed yet enough for me to walk long much less jog. Of course, that added to my angst at the time.

My eating has been extremely up and down. Sometimes I'm super restrained and other times I just don't seem to give a damn. Consequently, per usual, I'm not losing or gaining weight. I keep evening the scales in my calorie consumption.

I never went back to TOPS but maybe I will today. I don't know...

Emotional eating, anyone?

2009-08-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

Its been a good week, but also a trying week. I've been having to go non-stop without a lot of time for myself. I'm still making time for exercise, so I'm doing good in that regard. Today I incorporated my workout into running to my toddler's new preschool to drop off the enrollment paperwork. Its only a mile each way, but still a decent workout, especially since I'd done so much yesterday. And it was hot today, so that 2 miles was enough for me. Actually it was more like 2.5 miles. But, anyway...

I was doing okay until a few things happened: 1. I found out hubby wasn't coming home this afternoon like he was supposed to - he was held up and won't be home until tomorrow at the earliest; 2. I learned my mother-in-law and her mother are coming to visit and that means having the house super clean, which, while I've maintained tidiness in the house this week, I haven't had a lot of time for a good cleaning; 3. Hubby and I got into a fight, one of our revolving disagreements and I had my feelings severely hurt; 4. I got into a confrontation with my supervisor at work (minor, but still upsetting); 5. I didn't sleep well last night and have been fighting a headache all day...

By this evening, I was feeling tired, out of sorts, angry, unsure of myself, worried, put upon, etc. I chose to eat ice cream. I ate a huge bowl of it, consciously scooping at least three servings' worth into a bowl. I knew exactly what I was doing while I was doing it - I was totally conscious of why I was eating the ice cream, and how I would be disappointed with myself later, etc. etc. but I just didn't give a damn. I pretty much thumbed my nose at my better side.

It wasn't even that good, having been in the freezer too long.

But I ate it all and then I calmed down and that was the end of it. And, actually, I don't even feel that bad about it.

Good Day

2009-08-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

I had a good day with the working out. I've discovered workouts on Fit TV and did a dvr'd dance routine and then some strength training. I followed that up with a walk to the library and back, which is about a mile away. It was really warm out today so it felt good and it's good to get the kids out.

This week hasn't been nearly as bad as I feared it would be. The kids and I have found our own rhythm and, surprisingly, I've been able to keep working full time. I just plop my laptop down on the kitchen table and (with the wonders of a one-room living space) can monitor the kids as they play in the living room, watch PBS shows or out the back door, which is literally two feet from the dining room table. I can see the entire back yard from my perch, thanks to a small yard and there being five windows on that wall alone. Definite advantages to living in small spaces. They also go up to their room occasionally, but I've roped off all rooms but their bedroom and that is child proof so I only have to go up and check on them occasionally while they're up there. Fortunately, though, they prefer to be downstairs.

We've gone on a couple walks this week. I took them to the library the other night, to see how long it would take us, and then got lost on the way back. It was getting dark and I was nearly to the point of calling hubby and having him help me back with the aid of a map, but then I found a recognizable street and we made it home. What I thought would be a 30 minute walk ended up being nearly 1 hour and 30 minutes, but that's not a bad thing. And it didn't feel overly long. I was only nervous about it being dark and finding my way home. I've also taken the kids to the park and let them run around in the sun.

After work, I've been warming up the pre-cooked dinners (I'm so glad I did that!!) and then bathing them and putting them in bed. Then it's clean-up time for me, followed by maybe 30 minutes to read in bed. Not a lot of me time, for sure. Hubby owes me when he gets back. :)

However, it's actually been kinda nice just having the two little ones around, like I can connect with them a bit more than I usually give myself time for. We've enjoyed some quiet times reading, playing blocks or sitting and watching Sesame Street together. It's been nice.

Abandoned

2009-08-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

Here's some irony - hubby is working in California at the moment while I'm left in Washington. Annoying, to say the least. He's been gone since Wednesday and not due back until Thursday late. Ah well.

Also, my eldest daughter is visting her grandmother. So, it's just me and the 2 little ones this week. I thought it was going to be near impossible to work with no help, but it worked out okay today.

We ordered satellite tv at this house and I have discovered Fit TV. I like some of the cooking shows and I'm able to DVR the workout shows. Fast forwarding through the commercials while keeping the heart rate up is annoying, but otherwise its cool to have a different workout every day. :)

Yesterday I was super productive and cooked several meals for the week and put them in single serving containers. I know this sounds super anal, but I wanted to be able to just heat up healthy food because I knew I'd be too busy to want to cook during the week. I had fast food a couple times over the weekend because I was driving my daughter to her grandmother's and want to make up for that. Plus, my weight loss has stalled again because, again, I'm not putting 100% into my weight loss.

Still working out most days, though. And still have plenty of energy. I only have had some headaches recently that have slowed me down a bit. However, even with that, I still have ten times the energy I had before I started working out.

I think I'll take a walk with the kids after dinner. I'm kinda sore from a step workout I did yesterday.

TOPS

2009-08-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of TOPS = Take Off Pounds Sensibly? Apparently there are chapters everywhere. I don't know a lot about them, other than that my mother and grandmother were members of their local chapters and it could be renamed "Take Off Pounds (for) Seniors." I looked into joining a chapter in Redding for two reasons:

1. It worked for my mom for years.
2. Its way cheaper than Weight Watchers but really no different, from what I could tell. The cost is $27 a YEAR, not biweekly.

Anyway, I looked into joining in Redding, but a photo of the members revealed they were all white haired seniors and, well, I didn't think I'd fit in well with the group, being that I'm in my early 30's. So, I went to Weight Watchers a few times, hated the cost, disliked the leader, wasn't getting anything out of it and stopped going.

When we got to Washington, I looked up a local chapter of TOPS but there was no photo of the members. I figured it would likely be all seniors again, but you never know... my mom wasn't a senior when she attended and, from memory, most of the other members weren't seniors either. So, maybe that was particular to Redding?

I can honestly say they weren't all white-haired, but they were all at least 20 years my senior and most of them 30 or 40 years my senior. Which, if I wanted to feel young, isn't a bad thing. But, it was a bit cheesy. First of all, they meet in the rec room of an apartment complex. And the complex isn't even that nice - it's in the okay range. When I got to the meeting, one of the residents of the apartment complex was watching a movie, very loudly. We had to wait until he finished.

To be fair, the team leader wasn't present because her sister is ill. The rest of the meeting was rather haphazard, but I can understand that since the leader wasn't present. The members who were there said that that night was light on member attendance, which I can chalk up to being August and super hot at the moment.

We didn't really discuss weight loss.

I'm undecided.

My Face

2009-08-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

So, I got my Washington driver's license in the mail today and I was astonished and disgusted with my photo. I look so much fatter than I feel! My eyes are tiny dots in my overly round face, the underside of my chin hangs down so far it gives the illusion of a separate feature. I look drugged and tired and unhappy. I didn't realize I looked like that!! I know that we are our worst critic and, of course, I'm focusing on all the negative, but even when I try to look at myself objectively, all I see is a very fat, unhappy person. Do I really go around looking that unhappy or can I see something others don't?

I wish I could say that this is incentive to lose weight, but right now I just feel out of sorts with myself. I am sticking to my good diet and I finished a 45 minute cardio workout today, so it's not having the opposite effect. I'm definitely going to avoid looking at that photo until I lose more weight!

Taking time out

2009-08-15T21:46:00.000-07:00

Today my husband and I both had the day off, weren't feeling pressured to get anything done, be it to the house or for work, and decided to take the kids to the zoo. Afterward, we found a fish & chip restaurant in Portland (we're just over the border in Washington) and had a nice dinner, even if the 2 year old decided to war-paint himself with the tartar sauce. I ate a turkey sandwich and salad (and some of my daughter's fries).

We also drove by a produce stand on the way to the restaurant and I made the hubs turn around and go back. I bought a bunch of locally grown fruit and veg for less than $15. I had borrowed a whole foods cookbook from the library and was itchy to get started on some recipes. I'm pretty excited about cooking healthier, cleaner foods, actually. And, although its too early to really tell, I already feel like I have more energy throughout the day.

I've been cooking us farm fresh veggie loaded dinners for the past week and it seems like I can already feel a difference. Also, contrary to my concern, I have halved my food bill by cooking things from whole foods and not buying processed or frozen foods. Its weird because I thought some of the frozen foods I used to buy were way cheaper than cooking from fresh, but that was because I was preparing food, not actually cooking food. When you prepare your dinners with boxed pastas, too-large cuts of meat and frozen veggies, you actually spend more money than when you cook a meal with 60% farm fresh veggies from a produce stand, a small cut of meat and cooked brown rice. I'm also learning it doesn't take that much longer to cook from whole foods.

Yesterday we had bean and cheese burritos with wheat tortillas (purchased) and homemade beans. I actually made the beans the day before when I was cooking that day's meal. I was able to rinse and put the beans in a pot on the stove between preparing the evening meal for that day. Then, that night, I put the beans in the refrigerator until the following evening. All I had to do then was mush them and heat them up in a little olive oil and voila, dinner was ready.

Also, here's a benefit of exercise. We spent 4 hours at the zoo walking around constantly. I carried a backpack and sometimes the 2 year old, as well as pushed a stroller and had to run after the 2 year old on several occasions. By the time we were done, I felt a bit tired, but not exhausted and no part of my body was in pain. My feet didn't hurt, my legs weren't sore. I remember a time when if I walked for longer than 30 minutes, my legs and hips would ache like crazy. Instead, tonight when we got home I still had the energy to clean the kitchen, get the kids to bed, do some laundry and get my produce washed and put away. Meanwhile, hubby was prone on the couch moaning that his legs and feet hurt. I had to bite my tongue to point out that this is why exercise is so beneficial. No one wants to be nagged to exercise! But, I am such an exercise convert. And, actually, I think the energy drive behind cooking healthy meals from whole foods is from exercising as well. Being active and getting things done just isn't as painful and uncomfortable as it once was, so standing for 45 minutes preparing food doesn't seem as daunting as it would have a year ago. Its all down to exercise, that's what I believe.

Weigh-In

2009-08-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

Weight: 158.6
Loss: 1.2

Too bad that loss isn't over a one week period but over several weeks. But, happy with a loss! I've been up and down, per usual. I have been spending more time incorporating fresh produce into our meals, which should help. My exercising is hit or miss at the moment. I plan on getting on the treadmill later today, after my dr appointment.

Work is super slow at the moment. I wish I could take advantage but I just worry about money.

Interesting Theory

2009-08-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a book, I think it's called "A Life Unburdened," about a man who lost 150 pounds. His theory is that because of sub-nutritious diets and food we eat, our bodies are constantly hungry for nutritients, which leads to overeating. Its an interesting theory. And if you consider that food affects our moods and sense of wellbeing, our diets are causing us to feel low and lack energy, which also leads to overeating and under-exercising. I can see the sense in his argument. I doubt eating well will override major emotional scars and clinical depression, etc. but I do think eating a better diet can alter one's moods.

So, I'm with the guy, I think better eating is beneficial and worth the effort of more cooking and prep time, having to go to more than one store for food, etc. The problem I come up against is HOW do I eat like that. I bought some produce at a farmer's market, organic (supposedly) and fresh local. I made a beef vegetable soup, which was really yummy. Tonight I made chicken salad for dinner. But, now what? And what about my salad, it was a bagged salad with fresh tomatoes and cucumber, but is the lettuce good enough? Probably not. And the chicken... do I have to buy organic, free-range chicken? Where do I buy it? And milk, eggs, yogurt... it gets to be overwhelming, both with regard to the costs and finding the best places to buy these things.

Tonight we had cake for my son's birthday. What about that? Would I have to make cake from scratch? From organic whole wheat flour and raw sugar?? That sounds extreme and difficult. I can make a boxed cake but that's probably no better than an already baked cake.

So, I'm sorta stuck between feeling that it makes sense that we should eat better foods, less processed, bleached and chemically derived food and more whole, natural food and not knowing how one goes about eating that way and can I afford it???

I guess it's rather like taking on any major life change, just change a little at a time. So, I can keep going to the farmer's market for fresh locally grown produce (which is no more expensive than grocery produce) and even fresh bread, which I found was also no more expensive, and avoid anything that is obviously over-processed. But just cuz it's organic doesn't mean its nutritionally superior, right? So, would there really be a difference between store-bought milk and organic milk? I think I'll just stick with the produce and bread for the moment. Maybe eat more beans and less meat, but I firmly believe we still need some meat, especially the kids.

If y'all know how to go about adding more whole foods into your diet, please share.

Settling In

2009-08-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

We're finally moved into our new house and mostly everything is put in it's place. I still have a few boxes in the garage, but not many. I was very determined to get the house in order as quickly as possible and had most of the boxes unpacked and our furniture organized by the third night. I was surprisingly not sore after all the hefting and carrying, going up and down the stairs a zillion times and sorting and putting stuff away. Monday and yesterday night I didn't have too much to do, just minor unpacking of the last boxes and doing laundry and cleaning. Tonight I'll get the last of the boxes but I think there are only about 3 left so that won't take long.

I haven't exercised in over a week because of all the packing and loading/unpacking and unloading, which was way more exercise than I would get from a DVD or the treadmill! I will get back on that wagon today, though. I'm more determined than ever to maintain being in better shape because I know that's what gave me the energy and drive to get this move done as quickly as possible and led to me not feeling sore.

I need to get back into the game with my eating, as well. Portion-wise I was doing really well until yesterday, but I was eating fast-food and whatever was at hand, which was usually a less than good food choice. Yesterday, for some reason, I overate to the point of feeling over full. Maybe just a comedown from the stress of moving? Not sure, but I felt annoyed with myself about it. I need to get back to the calorie counting again and making smart food choices. That's the plan for today, anyway.

Craziness

2009-07-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

Its been crazy around here, what with the move tomorrow. I've been trying to keep the house clean for showings and pack and work on top of it. During the past week and a half, I've been covering for another girl at work, which doubled my workload. I've literally been getting up, working, then moving on to packing and cleaning, until 10 or 11 each night. I'm already exhausted and we have the 3 biggest days ahead of us now, packing today and loading the truck tomorrow and driving to our new home the next day. At least it's finally about to be over.

On top of all that, I've been extremely stressed for some reason. I mean, I know I'm stressed about the move itself, stressed about all the minutae involved in moving, plus covering for a job I'm not comfortable with for lack of practice. Then the weird behavior from my daughter's friends mother and her birthday was 2 days later so I had to come up with a really good way to celebrate. I guess my 2 year old has been feeling my tension because he has been especially difficult, very whiney and demanding.

I was trying to track my weight but it was all over the place, as was my eating. Because of the packing and cleaning, I haven't exercised in over a week. But, I had to put that on the back burner. Once I get through this move and re-settled in Washington, I'll get back to serious exercising. Not that I'm giving up on my weight loss, but some things have to be set aside during this time. I'm still watching what I eat for the most part and conscious of it not being beneficial when I make less than good food choices. I'm also listening to several weight loss podcasts, which help too. I'm just head down, full steam ahead with this move and everything else is secondary.

I don't hold much hope of a good weight loss during this time (scale is packed) because I'm sure I'm made up of 50% water, 50% cortisol at the moment. I'm sometimes starving hungry and other times totally put off by food. I'm not sleeping well and I have a constant feeling of anxiety. I just hope I don't gain weight cuz that would be totally uncool.

Weigh-In

2009-07-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Weight: 159.8
Loss: 0.6

Progress! Finally down in the 150's. Small losses add up, right? I also made GREAT progress with regard to packing and cleaning over the weekend. I'm talking hours. In fact, on Sunday I started cleaning/packing Sunday at about 11am and didn't stop until nearly midnight. I was BEAT but it felt great. Don't ask me where all my energy is coming from but I've been like an energy bunny on crack. Must be the exercising over the last few months.

I believe I haven't had more of a weight loss for two reasons:

1. I've been eating on the run, which doesn't mean good food choices.
2. I haven't been drinking enough water by a long shot.

But, I'm doing better with it today. Just one day at a time. I've even been tracking my calories again, yay me.

So Bizarre (Off Topic)

2009-07-18T23:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is off topic, but it is going to bug me because I can't get my head around it and I need to not obsess over it and I'm hoping writing about it here will close the matter and I can move on to more important things to worry about.

So, I've written about parents of my teen daughter's friends who asked me outright for money a while back and I decided not to give them any. It was uncomfortable and I thought it might impact my daughter being friends with this girl, but then they never asked again and it seemed to be okay.

However, that is no longer the case. Fortunately, since we're moving, it doesn't matter.

So here's what happened. I had my daughter invite her friends of the same parents (twins) to our house to do some cleaning, for which I would pay them each $5 per hour, then eat pizza and watch a movie and hang out with my daughter in the evening. So, I picked them up and we spent two hours cleaning. Then we ate pizza and then they hung out and watched a movie until 11pm and then my husband took them home.

Then I get a phone call from the mother asking why her kids didn't have the money I said I would pay them for cleaning my house. Mind you, it's 11:30 pm and I'm somewhat taken aback, but while I'm thinking it's strange that she's calling about it, I'm not really taking it too seriously figuring I would drive the money over to them tomorrow. I tried to explain that I just hadn't thought about it before they left and in fact hadn't even seen them before they left. But, she cut me off and said she was coming over to get the money.

So, a few minutes later she's at the door and very rude about demanding that I give her kids the money. I try to say that I would have taken the money to them tomorrow and it certainly wasn't intentionally withheld from them but she talks over me and says how I shouldn't have kids clean my house and not pay them. Then she says that her kids are no longer welcome at my house. I'm like, no worries there! As they were leaving I only managed to throw out what a poor example she was showing her kids and a sorry to her kids for them being put on the spot like that and then she was gone.

It's so bizarre to me. She was SO angry, like I was robbing her or something. I can't imagine what she was thinking. And I guess I have to just leave it at that. At least it doesn't matter since we'll be gone in just over a week. Hopefully her husband isn't as crazy and decides to retaliate for us stealing from her kids...