Its been a stressful and difficult week followed by an even more difficult weekend. Several things are going on at once - my husband is waiting hopefully for a job offer for which he interviewed the week before. We're looking for another house to move into it. And work has been very slow in his area for my husband. We are stressing about money, as always, and two of the kids were sick. As a result, I've been hyper-sensitive with my friends and misreading things into what they've said and done. Not a great combination.
Then we learned that my husband would be spending all of next week in California. And Monday is our anniversary. I was definitely not happy about either - that he would be gone for a week and that he would be gone during our anniversary - but I was glad that he had work.
So, we decided to celebrate our anniversary on Friday night. We got a babysitter and got a ways down the road and then had to turn back. My husband had a migraine and was not going to be able to enjoy a night out. He was going to soldier on but I thought that was ridiculous and pointless. So, we pushed it off to the next night.
Saturday I decided to get my hair cut and styled in the late afternoon so I would look fantastic (or as fantastic as possible) for our date. Of course, the hair stylist cut off way too much - instead of being shoulder-length, it is ear-length. Of course, sitting in the stylist's chair, all I could see was how fat my face was no matter what my hair looked like, which was super depressing.
When I got out of the hairdresser's, I could immediately tell by my husband's face that he hated it. I finally asked what he didn't like about it and he said that it has the same effect on my face as horizontal stripes has on an overweight women's body - in other words, my face now looks fatter thanks to the new hairdo. As if that wasn't devastating enough, I'm also pms'ing, stressing and about as hypersensitive as a person could get at this point. So, of course I start crying like a baby. Which pisses my husband off because he hates crying and he feels bad for making me cry. So, instead of heading out for our date, he turns toward home.
At home, we talk it out. He apologizes for the comment but said he'd been upset with me because he loves my hair long. I told him I hadn't exactly asked for such short hair and, even if I had, there was no reason to make me feel worse about it; even if he was only confirming my fears. This is the problem with living with someone who is too honest. He really will tell me if my ass looks fat in a pair of pants but when he says the pants look great, I know they do. Its difficult.
Anyway, so after talking everything out and getting over the trauma of a bad haircut, we finally went out. And it was okay - there was too much tension between us still to be anything better. The only positive note, really, was that I chose half a tuna sandwich and cesar salad for dinner rather than something greasy and fattening.
Not that I haven't been eating greasy and fattening the last week. I've been completely pigging out again. I feel adrift from my goals and incapable of sustaining a diet for more than a couple days.
But, in an attempt to improve, I purchased enough veggies to feed an army, eggs, whole grain bread and beans. I'll cook some chicken a couple nights this week but my goal is to otherwise eat just veggies, whole grain bread, eggs and beans. Let's see if it works....