Friday, March 27, 2009

Seems to be Working

So, I've been tracking my food intake using the WW formula and an old journal. I guess this is working for me because I've had a pretty steady decrease in my weight. Nothing to jump up and down and scream from the rafters about, but steady, steady, which is what I was looking for. I'm using my weekly allowance points like crazy, but I'm trying to make really smart choices for my food points, insofar as sticking to nutritious foods rather than just using up my points on any ol thing I want to eat.

Exercise-wise, I've been doing a dif DVD every day at noon-time. Today, it was Jillian's 30-
Day Shred. Ugh! That one's tough. And I'm still only on Level 1 (such a wimp!). Tomorrow is "Cardio Inferno" which kicks my butt, but is fun.

I have a new food addiction: baked potato (4 mins in micro) with a slice of low-fat cheese and seasoned salt. Its yummy! And only 4 points. And very filling. And quick, easy, cheap. What's not to love?? And supposedly potatoes are one of those super foods with more potassium than a banana.

I also figured out a quick, easy way to make quick-oats oatmeal. It works for me because I loathe overcooked oatmeal, I like it to be slightly chewy still. Anyway, it's 1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup 1% milk and then micro for 1 min. Top with a lil honey and it's perfect. The perfect portion too.

And I made this super-burrito that I really liked: Cook 1 1/2 cups of fresh spinach in a spray of olive oil for 10 mins, add 1/4 cup low-fat cheese and 1 tsp salsa-ranch. Then put it all into a whole-wheat tortilla. Its super delish and really low cal.

Tomorrow is my weigh-in and I hope I get a good number!! Upping my water intake to help - I figure if nothing else I'll burn extra calories going to the bathroom :)

Still More Just Okay

Yesterday was another "okay" day. Today, I haven't eaten yet, which isn't a good thing. I am struggling with feeling depressed this week.

Firstly, I found out that hubby will be out of town until the 8th and he's already been gone nearly a week. When he left, we were still on shaky ground from all the BS that has been going on with the kids and money. I'm very happy for him to have work, but not that he is going to be gone so long. Our phone conversations are short and uncomfortable.

I also feel sorta abandoned when he's gone. Besides the babysitter, I don't know anyone where we live still. My family is 600 miles away. When something happens, I don't have someone to turn to, aside from my 23 year old babysitter.

For instance, the garage door isn't working and I don't know how to fix it. I managed to detach it from the motor so I could get it closed, but now anyone could walk up to it and open it and get into the garage. There's no lock on it because its supposed to be powered.

Then, last night I went to go to the store to get milk, and the battery was dead on my van because my daughter had left the light on inside when she'd been looking for a book the night before. So, I had to wait until this morning when the babysitter arrived to ask for a jump. I could have asked the neighbors, but I'm not on friendly terms with any of them. I think we're not accepted here because its an uppity neighborhood and we're "not from around here," have too many kids and our house seems chaotic. One neighbor is semi-friendly but the others "blanked" me when I tried waving and being neighborly when we first moved here.

So, I was able to get my van started with the babysitter's help, but she is going out of town for the rest of the week. So, not only will I have to try to work without anyone to watch the baby all day, but I really won't have any help for these kinds of problems after today.

I guess I just need to be a big girl and take care of things myself. I mean, other women must do it all the time, right? I don't need a man to help me fix my problems. Except that I much prefer it that way.

I'm still exercising everyday, but still feeling down and draggy.

Feeling Blah

I don't know why, but I feel so blah and tired today. I barely got through one of my exercise DVDs and afterward I felt more like I had run a full marathon.

I found out hubby is going to be gone until 4/8! Not happy about that.

The weekend went okay; not great but not bad either. I had choco cake the kids made on Saturday and again on Sunday, but at least I stuck to one piece each day. I didn't exercise on Saturday at all, but I did an exercise DVD on Sunday. I haven't left the house since Saturday and should really get some fresh air - maybe that's why I'm feeling so blah?

Not much going on besides that; just been sitting around reading for the most part. Need to go to the store to get milk but I have no energy...

Day 4

I am on Day 4 of "good." Good being: exercising at least 30 mins, eating within my food budget and making smart food choices, staying in control, drinking water. Usually I only do 2 good days in a row and then 2 or 3 bad days. But, I am determined to break that cycle. I have had 3 good days in a row!

Yesterday went really, really well. I stayed on plan while at home and then, after work, I took the kids to a new park with a hiking trail and exercise structures that I had read about in the local paper. The hiking trail ended up being pretty short and hot, with no shade trees at all. The exercise structures were pretty cool though. We ended up walking and exercising for 40 mins. I then walked the kids to the playground, but it was small, not set up for smaller kids and overrun with older boys so we didn't stay long.

All afternoon I was thinking about a McDonald's cheeseburger. I know I can eat a small cheeseburger without breaking my food bank and I was really craving one. But, I wanted to go to Wal-Mart to get some school supplies and rather than a McDonald's, this Wal-Mart has a Subway restaurant. Thankfully!!! I ate a mini roast beef with no cheese instead. And ya know, it was actually filling! They're smaller than a 6-inch, if you haven't had one yet, but only 3 points. I was thinking, while I was eating it, that it was in no way going to satisfy me, but it actually did. We ate early, about 4pm, so I had some veggies and a WW ice cream bar later on. But, I didn't eat after 7:30 pm.

Today I am sore from the Cardio Max DVD and then the exercising we did yesterday. I think I'll just do an easy walk later. Tomorrow I want to do another DVD when my muscles aren't feeling so sore.

Into the Weekend

BTW, the new photo above is of the river trail I like to walk. Its not ALL of it that pretty, but its pretty darned nice. I am especially liking the warmer weather we've been having and have to take advantage of it before summer when it will be in the triple digits.

So, 2 good days in a row! Yesterday I only went 3 points into my weekly allowance, did NOT eat after 7pm and did the Cardio Max DVD. I was having trouble with the exercising, feeling really slow and clumsy, but I think that is because I had to take one of my migraine pills again earlier in the afternoon. I also danced the baby around the living room for a good 15 minutes last night and that was a workout in itself - he's getting heavy!

I'm really happy its Friday, but now that I'm at the point when I usually reverse my good behavior, I'm worried about my eating this weekend. I know I can find time to exercise much easier on the weekends, but I also know that I am thinking about food more when I'm not distracted by work. I have to come up with some solid plans on how to deal. I want to break the cycle of good, good, bad, bad, bad, good, good, bad, bad, bad...with regard to my eating. I have identified the problem, identified today would be the first day of the downward journey, and now have to not allow it to happen. Same as tomorrow and the next day.

So, plan is to keep my points in control, drink water, make myself wait 20 minutes when I want to eat something that is not on plan, break a sweat and keep writing everything I eat and do down.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


My official numbers today:

Weight: 167.8
Lost: 0.8

Still a ways to go and not very fast, but I'm mostly satisfied with my progress this week. If not for my binge the other night, I think I would have lost more, but since its all part of the process I need to focus on what I have accomplished rather than on my trips and falls.

Hubby is in Wisconsin for a couple days and I had the weirdest dream this morning that I had an affair while he was gone and then his truck was stolen from the parking lot of the motel where I had my affair. Weird!! And so not ever gonna happen. I wonder what my dream was trying to tell me?

My only goals today are to stick to my numbers, drink lots of water and break a sweat, even if just for 5 minutes.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Stress & Self-Sabotage

It has been very stressful the last couple weeks. Between having to take my son to his grandma, my daughter having problems in school, my husband only working part time and us struggling financially, hubby and I fighting because of the's gotten to the point where I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. And now, when exercise is especially needed as a de-stressor, I am having a hard time finding the motivation. I still haven't been to the gym. Yesterday, I didn't work out at all and today I finally forced myself to take a 20 minute walk around my neighborhood. I felt a little better after that, at least. But, where has all my motivation gone to get to the gym or use the home equipment to really bash out a good workout? I have nearly zero energy. I'm barely keeping the house tidy and for the last two nights I've had everyone fend for themselves for dinner.

Last night was a low point for me. Yesterday morning I woke and jumped on the scale, as is my wont, and it read nearly 2 pounds down from my last official weigh-in. It was the lowest number I've had in a long time and I was very excited. I did well all day and then last night I had the munchies and decided to make a little popcorn. Only, I was heavy-handed with the pouring and buttering. I ended up with a huge bowl of too-buttery, overly salted popcorn. About a quarter way through, I was full. I kept eating. And eating. And eating. Until it was gone. I was so full it was painful. I couldn't go to bed because my stomach hurt that I couldn't lay down. It was pathetic and stupid and exactly the behavior that got me to be morbidly obese.

Today was equally stressful, but I refused to allow myself to fall apart with my food choices again. In fact, I made very good choices. This morning, I forced myself to start the day with some oatmeal and a glass of ice water. For lunch, carrots and broccoli and more ice water. Just before dinner, hubby asked me to go with him to get a prescription filled. Well, he ended up having a problem getting it filled, went to his doctor's office and waited OVER AN HOUR to get it fixed. We couldn't leave it because he's flying out to Wisconsin in the morning. I was SO hungry by the time we could leave I could have eaten anything, at all. At the pharmacy, hubby offered to get me a snack. I said no, I'd wait. I wanted a snack SO BAD, but I resisted. We had to wait 15 minutes for the prescription. The entire time we were waiting, I was trying to decide what to have for dinner. Guess what was across the street, filling our van with great food smells? Carl's Jr! I had just read today how Carl's Jr. is the absolute worst fast-food place to eat at. I was salivating and hubby was saying we could eat wherever I wanted cuz he felt bad for keeping me at the doctor's office.

I told him "go home." We got home and I heated up some light Progresso soup for 2 points for the entire can. The first bite was heaven. I could taste every spice and herb, every piece of vegetable. It was the best soup ever. I'm SO glad I chose to come home and eat soup.

Now, whatever the scales says tomorrow for my official weigh-in, I know that tonight I triumphed with my food choices and that is really what this is about.

Monday, March 23, 2009

No Gym

STILL no gym attendance today. I keep saying "tomorrow...tomorrow" but it never happens. I did do a good exercise DVD workout that has made me feel pleasantly sore, but I wonder why I keep avoiding the gym? I had no good reason today. I woke up and thought "I'll put on my workout gear, do a couple hours of work and then my weight-lifting DVD." I didn't think "no, I have to do gym today." I was planning on doing the weight-lifting DVD yesterday but didn't cuz we'd walked so much, so I guess at least I was fulfilling that promise to myself. But, I must get myself to the gym! I am paying for the darned thing. And I'm supposed to be forcing myself to get out of the house, too.

So, again I am saying "tomorrow."

Eating-wise, I have done well so far today. I had half a cup of coffee, shredded wheat cereal for breakfast and fruits and veggies for lunch. I have no idea yet what we will eat for dinner.

I MUST go the gym.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


Today was better. I got up and made breakfast of scrambled eggs and whole wheat pancakes. I only ate 2 eggs and 1 pancake, so I thought that was a good start. I then packed sandwiches and the kids and we went to a local park for walkers with a hidden playground somewhere in the middle. The plan was to walk a couple miles and then let the little ones play in the playground and have lunch. Unfortunately, we didn't find the playground. We walked around for more than 2 hours and then gave up and ate lunch while sitting on a bench facing the lake. Not a horrible view. The weather was windy and chilly, but at least the sun was out and I even got a bit of a sunburn on my nose.

For dinner, I made a low-cal beef stew and then had ice cream (my one bad food for the day). Fortunately, I didn't eat a lot of ice cream so, with the walk, I feel that that's okay.

I couldn't do the gym today because hubby ended up working and they don't have daycare on Sundays. But, do plan on going tomorrow after work. I defo need to work some muscles than have been ignored for a couple weeks.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Up and Down, Down, Down

I wonder why I keep repeating this pattern: 1 or 2 good days and then 2 or 3 bad days. Why can't I just keep having good days or, if I'm going to have a bad day, keep it to 1 day rather than 2 or 3. Its frustrating and I know there's a reason somewhere, I just don't know what that reason or reasons are.

So, yesterday started really well but then I got a migraine and took my medication, but it didn't help. So, I took another pill and then got a stomachache so I ate a bunch of toast (didn't know it was 2 points per piece of bread!) then STILL had a headache so I laid down. When I woke, my headache was still present but better. I was going to just have popcorn for dinner because of all the toast and the fact that I hadn't exercised, but hubby got pizza and I ate a large piece, as well as the popcorn, and then finished it with a piece of lemon meringue pie (which is 10 points). My tally for the day was 44 points!!! Yikes. And no exercise.

Today, I planned to have a much better day, but I still ate 32 points, between a BK chicken sandwich, numerous cups of coffee with milk and sugar (which I usually only have one in the morning) and then lasagna for dinner. I did get a little exercise, but not a heck of a lot. We were really busy today, so I when we were getting ready to leave, I walked a few blocks and had hubby pick me up from there and then had him drop me off a few blocks from the house on the way back. Probably 15 mins walk each way. Better than nothing, though, I suppose.

Please, let tomorrow be better. I just need to get to the gym early, eat a lot of fruit/veggies, and stay within my points.

Friday, March 20, 2009

On It

I am on plan today. And yesterday. Going back to the flex plan point system may be the best thing for me. It means I have to keep track of what I eat without obsessing about every calorie and having to do a lot of calculations. I already have the points calculator so it takes seconds to figure out how many points something is if I don't have it in my points book. I forgot how to determine how many points one should eat in a day, though, or how many points per week one gets. So, if anyone knows those, I'd appreciate the reminder :).

I finally, finally, got down to the river trail to do the walk - nearly 5 miles - and it felt good to get that done. However, my 6 year old was so lagging and whiny that I had to stop walking every few minutes and I was SO frustrated by the time we'd reached the bridge. Going back wasn't much better. I got home and told hubby "I'm done" and he knows I mean business when I get to that point so he took the two little ones to run some errands. Gotta love that man :).

I made boneless, skinless grilled chicken last night with some new seasonings I had purchased a couple weeks ago. We also had roasted asparagus (yummy!) with just a touch of celery and garlic salts, Asian salad and brown rice. It was a pretty good dinner and I think like 8 points total. My only downfall yesterday was that my 6 year old didn't want her snack at the bridge and since I hadn't taken one (we're out of fruit, which is what I usually take) I ate her snack, which happened to be a 4 point Twinkie.

For a snack today, I made sugar-free pudding last night. I don't know why but I have had SO MUCH energy the last two days. I have been really good about keeping the house clean and laundry done (which usually only gets done when everyone is out of underwear). I have been cleaning and tidying until 10pm the last few nights.

I had oatmeal for breakfast, so I'm full steam ahead today :).

Thursday, March 19, 2009


This is my first official weigh-in in a couple weeks.

Weight: 168.6
Loss: -2
Weight to Lose (to first goal): 28.6

I was really surprised by the number this morning because I have hardly exercised at all in the past week and I have not been eating perfectly. The -2 is as opposed to my last official weigh-in, which was 170.6.

Yesterday, I still didn't get to do my long walk along the river. I also didn't feel like doing any heavy exercising because I was feeling crampy and yucky. I did, however, walk a couple miles along my street, which includes a very steep, long hill. When we first moved here, I couldn't walk up the hill without taking a couple breathers. This time, I was able to march continuously forward without stopping, although I was huffing and puffing toward the top.

I've decided to pull out my WW stuff and start following the flex point system again. I also have a journal (not WW, just a normal diet journal) I was using, both to follow WW when I was on that and just following my caloric intake when I wasn't on WW. I had used half the journal, which is more than I had remembered using. I last wrote in it in June 2008 and at that time I weighed 175. So, only 6 pounds lost in 9 months. Not very good numbers, but I guess better than a gain or no loss at all.

I also pledged to lost 10 pounds by May 1. I think I can manage that if I stay on track. Its staying on track that's so difficult.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Not Great, but Okay

I'm back from the trip to Grandma's. The drive up was okay, just really long at 13 hours. On the way back, I got stuck in snow, which was a complete nightmare, and I was very depressed about leaving my son behind.

I took my 6 year old, as well as THE son, but left the 1 and 13 year old with hubby. There was expected upset from my son about leaving his friends but he seemed to rally around pretty quickly and I know that he was looking forward to the attention his grandma was going to lavish on him since she doesn't work and all her time will be spent between him, church and her mom. Its a good situation for him. We got him registered in school and he started yesterday. We now have a standing date to talk on the phone every day after school and I think that will be good for the both of us. He's signing up for track, which is great!

Staying with my ex-in-laws was difficult. I don't know great-grandma at all and I feel like talking to grandma, who is a very generous and warm-hearted person, is still a minefield considering our positions and her faith (which I don't share quite to the extent she does - major understatement). Anyway, it was okay, but stressful.

Food-wise, I just have to say, wow! They eat like it's still 1950 - full fat milk, regular stick butter, white bread with every meal, everything fried and smothered in gravies and sauces. The first morning, we had fried eggs in vegetable oil (yuck!), bacon and pancakes. I ate one egg (didn't want to be rude) and one pancake with a touch of syrup and no butter. And you know, I was full! I didn't feel cheated at all. For lunch, I suggested we eat out and I had a veggie burger and sweet potato fries (which are still bad, but not as bad). For dinner, I ate a tiny piece of white meat chicken and some salad. The second morning, huge white bagels with full-fat cream cheese. I ate half a bagel and a very light coating of cream cheese. Again, I didn't feel like I was suffering from lack of food. For lunch, we ate a full roast dinner because they had visitors. I stuck to my usual plan of mostly veggies with a little meat and potatoes on the side. On the last morning, my MIL offered to make breakfast and I hesitantly accepted. She said she wanted to make something substantial and I was like "yay! oatmeal!" thinking this would be the best meal yet. But, no. I was made frozen waffles fried in eggs and vegetable oil. You read that correctly! And bacon. Urgh! I felt I was eating a million calories with just one but I felt I couldn't refuse.

The great thing was how much I realized my thinking has changed. I know that at one point in my life I would have not thought twice about eating some of these things. I really have had a complete change of thinking and now I SEEK the better choices more than half the time. I also realized how little food I actually need and I never felt hungry the entire time I was there. I had even purchased a 12-pack of diet soda before going up so I wouldn't be tempted to buy a full-cal soda from a gas station or drink it while visiting and that worked like a charm.

The only downside was the fact that I got almost no exercise in 4 days. I went for a long walk the first day we were there but that was it. The rest of the time I was sitting on my behind. And then today and yesterday I haven't exercised. Yesterday I was, understandably, deeply upset by the circumstances and couldn't get motivated to do anything. Today, I just didn't get the chance to. I was planning to go for a good, long walk after work, but then I invited the babysitter to dinner of corned beef and cabbage (heavy on the cabbage and carrots, light on the beef, which ended up being a perfect combo, filling and good). I had a 2 hour window, but I had to run up to the store and then deal with my 1 year old and clean up the house and then it was dinner time. After dinner, I was doing dishes and cleaning up until 10pm (while watching BL of course). So, now I've got a lot of house cleaning done and spent some time being social with the babysitter rather than just giving her instructions, and have given my family a nice meal, but I never got around to exercising and I'm certainly not going to now at 11 pm.

My plan for tomorrow is to get up earlier and exercise first thing in the morning, before I work. This way, nothing can get in the way of my workout. And I HAVE to work out and get back in the groove. Its been...4 days since I've exercised! I hope I haven't lost any muscle.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Bad Day followed by Worse, then Good

So, two days ago my 15 year old got caught skipping school again and then took off and it took us 2 days to find him. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time, but it is the last (for this year, at least) because he is going to finish out his school year with his grandma, who wants to devote 24/7 to getting him to school and church :). We were quite happy with the arrangement because it is JUST what he needs.

Anyway, on top of being stressed about that, my husband and I were fighting terribly because of the tension and the fact that we come from such different cultures that we don't always agree with how to deal with a teenage boy. The other kids are young enough (or female) that it hasn't become an issue with them, but hubby and I defo have different perceptions of how to treat an adolescent boy.

So, to top off the bad day, I ate like a pig and didn't exercise. I mean, I ate chips, chocolate, ice cream and drank a full-cal coke. I woke up feeling really fat, stressed, unhappy and overall yucky. Add to that I'm moving into the height of the virus I have and the baby's illness is still going strong...

Fortunately, when we were deciding what to have for dinner and hubby and I were talking about getting take-away because we have so much to do to get ready for me to drive the 12 hours to grandma, I resisted and made low-fat chili instead. And ate lots of spinach leaves so I only had 1 1/2 cups of chili. Then, after I finished the rest of my work, I went out and did 30 mins on the treadmill, including 10 mins jogging and 10 mins on the full incline. Unfortunately, I now feel worse, with my lungs feeling like they weight about 100 pounds and I can't take full breaths. But, I'm glad I worked out and feel a little less like an oinker for it.

Its really sad that I had yesterday's bad choices because yesterday morning I saw 167 for the first time in YEARS. However, this morning I was back up to 169. Ugh! How frustrating. I sometimes wonder if I even want to lose weight, since I keep sabotaging myself.

Nevermind, though, I'm just going to keep chugging forward. At least a bad day of eating can't undo all the exercising I've been doing. I just hope my illness doesn't get worse so that I can't exercise more this week. I do have to do that drive to grandma's, which isn't going to make it easy to find time to exercise, but I can at least go for a walk once we get there tomorrow.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Not Feeling Well

I guess it's our family's turn to be sick. It started with Nathan over the weekend and today I'm not feeling well. Nothing horrible, like the stomach flu, thankfully. Just cold-like symptoms, although right now I'm just headachy and overall feeling yucky.

I guess I had a good workout yesterday because I'm feeling a bit sore today. I was going to do another exercise DVD today, because I felt so good after yesterday's workout, but with not feeling well and still feeling a bit sore, I'm just not up to it. So, I'm going for a walk with my eldest daughter down by the river. Nothing huge, just a saunter around a couple miles or so; get some fresh air and sun.

Had a good breakfast of eggs, high-fiber english muffin and an ice cream bar (150 cals). I've decided to start eating my dessert at breakfast so I have time to burn it off. Anyway, I am trying to eat as much as possible early in the day and a light dinner. I know that's the best for losing weight. I'll see how that affects my appetite for the rest of the day. Sometimes eating a lot of carbs early on makes me crave them for the rest of the day, so this may not be the wisest route.

Anyway, I'd best get on with that walk or I'll change my mind completely. I feel like taking a nap, instead.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Good weekend

Thank you, for the encouragement and positive words. I feel much better after a weekend of not stressing or obsessing about exercise, weight, food or scales. Not that I went off the deep end with my eating - I've actually done pretty well. But, I haven't tracked everything I'm eating. I'm realizing this may not be the best way for me to go.

For dinner tonight, I roasted a bag of cut broccoli, carrots and cauliflower with a little bit of celery salt, garlic salt and a spray of olive oil. I then dipped them in light sour cream. They were SO good! I got the idea from a cookbook I borrowed from the library. Not the sour cream part, tho, that just occurred to me while I was taking the pan out of the oven because the veggies looked dried out and I wanted something wet but not overly high in fat/calories to dip them in. It was perfect - I'm looking forward to having them that way again! I also had one corn tortilla and half a cup of fat-free refried beans. I feel so full and I know I got quite a lot of fiber with very little fat. I'm pleased and can easily eat that for dinner a couple nights a week.

The best part of my weekend was this morning. I had planned on doing a hike along the river today, since it was nice and sunny and I've been planning on doing this for weeks but today was the first decent day. However, my daughter had a teen writer's meeting to attend and the baby wasn't feeling well. So, I decided to do one of my forgotten exercise DVD's and then do a shorter walk at the park later in the afternoon, after the meeting. I decided to do "Cardio Inferno" thinking I would do as much as I could and then do a yoga DVD as a follow-up. Well, not only did I do the entire workout, I was easily able to keep up, didn't feel like I was going to pass up and it felt GREAT! I am in so much better shape than the last time I'd done a cardio DVD, it was actually FUN to do the workout. Its amazing what being in a little better shape can do. I never realized before just how painful it is do be active when you're out of shape compared with being in better shape. Now I can understand why people who are active stay active by choice and call hiking/swimming/etc. a hobby and fun rather than "exercise." Its not such a chore when it isn't as painful to do.

I still followed up with the Yoga video and felt WONDERFUL for it.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Easing Up

I'm easing up on myself today. I'm going to do housework instead of a workout. I'm going to eat what I want today, within the boundaries of my kitchen (which, fortunately, doesn't offer much in the way of junk food). I'm still going to journal what I eat, but if I go up to 2000 calories today, so be it.

The scale didn't budge at all this morning. I even tried NOT having a diet soda and just drinking water last night, thinking the sodium in the diet soda was causing me to retain water. No go. But, that's okay. Well, not okay, it's still disappointing, but okay in that it doesn't really matter in the long run and I know that. One of the reasons I am giving myself the day off is to force myself to stop obsessing about it. And, yes, I did finally throw my scale up into the closet :). We'll see where I am next Thursday, but I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing, with exercising most days of the week and tracking my food intake. It'll work, I just have to be patient.


So, my official weigh-in weight is 170.8. That's up more than a pound from last week. This doesn't make sense - I have eaten between 1500 and 1520 calories for the past week. I have exercised all but one day, twice burning more than 1000 calories. How am I gaining weight? I guess I could be retaining water. I know muscles carry more water than fat... I just would have thought that I'd be burning more fat than building muscle right now. Frustrating. I know I need to ignore it and move on, but it is disheartening.

Nevermind, I'll still go to the gym today. There was a moment, while brushing my teeth this morning, that I wanted to give up and not go to the gym and not worry about what I eat and not care if I gain or lose, but that was short lived. I've worked too hard to give up now. I don't like the fact that I weigh more now than I did 2 months ago. I don't like that I seem to be getting absolutely no where with this despite my efforts. But, if I give up now I definitely won't see a turnaround, whereas if I keep going, there is bound to be some changes. Its scientific, right? Its impossible to eat less than you burn off and not eventually lose weight, right?

Besides all that, I need to concentrate on the real value of exercise, which is feeling better physically, being stronger, burning off negative energy and being overall healthier. They say moderate exercise over time can improve your life expectancy and your quality of life. I wholeheartedly believe that. So, why am I hung up on some numbers on a scale? What means more, feeling good or weighing a certain number? I walked 8 miles yesterday. I couldn't say that a year ago. I couldn't even say I walked 4 miles a year ago. And I know that eventually I will walk the 10 miles I wanted to walk. In fact, I'll try again in a couple weeks to see if I can make it to 10 miles. That's much more important than whether I weigh 170 or 168.

Only 8

Alas, I only made it to just over 8 miles. It was much harder than I had thought it would be. It took me just shy of 3 hours to get that far and by then I had blisters on both feet and my calf musles were cramping up. I still feel sore. I could barely walk across the house afterward. I also burned 1110 calories, according to the machine. I even did some upper body work while I was walking.

I ate a little extra after dinner to make up for the calories but I still only ate 1500 calories today. I feel exhausted, but happy with my efforts despite not making it to the 10 mile marker. I will try again in another month or so.

I think I'll just do some stationary bike work at the gym tomorrow, to give myself a bit of a break and save my poor feet from any additional blisters.

I really hope I see some movement on the scale soon. I realized yesterday that I first got to 169 in November - 3 months! I haven't made any real progress in 3 months. That's annoying. Although, I guess I have to admit that I may not have had progress on the scale, but I'm in much better shape since January. And much, much better shape than when we lived in So Cal last year. I remember when we first moved here we went for a hike and I could barely do a mile. I've come so far! That's what I have to hold on to and remember; what the scale says means nothing next to how strong and healthy I feel.


I did 3 miles at lunchtime. Just need to go another 7! That'll probably take just over 2 hours since it took me an hour to get the first 3 miles. Fortunately, I downloaded an interesting book on my Ipod, which is keeping me distracted. Oh, must drink water...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

10 Miles

I'm going to post this now so I feel accountable to completing the mission.

Alas, again I can't make it to the gym today. I have 2 sick kids at home today, besides the baby, and can't exactly drop sick kids off at the daycare. I was both disappointed and relieved. So, to make up for it, I am challenging myself to completing 10 miles on the treadmill today. Not all at once, just by the time I go to bed. In fact, I'm going to jump on it in a little bit to get things started. At least this way I know I will get a decent workout despite not going to the gym.

I jumped on the scale again this morning (I know, bad!) and the numbers still haven't budged. I really need to throw the thing up in the closet out of reach.

Still no results...

This morning the scale remained the same. Oh well. I'm still working out and watching my food intake and know that the weight will come off eventually.

So far today, I've eaten:

1 cup coffee w/ 1% milk & 2 tsp sugar
2 servings light beef/veggie soup (100 cal per serving)
1 nectarine
1 small avocado w/ salt
1 6oz light yogurt

Dinner will be Tomato Bisque soup and 1 piece of bread w/ light butter.

I slept through b-fast (bad morning) and couldn't go to the gym because of starting work late. I did 20 min on the treadmill in the garage at lunch, including a 10 min jog, and 40 min on the treadmill after work, with the machine set at full incline for the full 40 min. I burned 400 calories.

Hubby left today for OR and WA for the week and weekend and I'm bummed about that. I think that's one of the reasons I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I just felt lazy and discontented. I hope to do much better tomorrow. Maybe I should take one sleeping pill early on tonight. I always have trouble sleeping when hubby is gone.

I've booked the baby into the gym for tomorrow, so I need to go. Plus, I have to do 3 days a week and there's only 3 days left of this week that I would be able to go since the daycare only runs for Saturday morning and is always booked up.