Thursday, February 26, 2009


Although I should know better, I got on the scale this morning expecting a signficant loss from yesterday's efforts. After I wrote that I wouldn't eat again, I didn't. I really stuck to my guns and went to bed feeling hungry but not famished. I jumped eagerly on the scale this morning to find I was 0.2 pounds heavier than yesterday! I was very disappointed, although I know logically that sometimes the scale takes a couple days to catch up on your efforts and the body is mysterious with regard to weight loss. Still, my emotions are caught up in the feeling that I should have seen a significant difference today.

Nevermind, I'm going to continue on and hope that by Thursday I will see a marked change.

1000 Calorie Burn!

I went to the gym today (yay me!) and 10 minutes into my eliptical workout I decided I was going to stay at the gym until I'd racked up 1000 calories burned on the various cardio machines. Crazy? Definitely. And there were moments that I didn't think I would make it, but I did it! Every time I felt like giving up on the idea, I thought of those BL contestents and how they push through the pain and discomfort to go the final mile. I could do that!

I spent over 3 hours at the gym, but I burned my 1000 calories! This consisted of:

30 mins eliptical
15 mins stepper (which always really kicks my butt)
60 mins stationary bike
50 mins treadmill

Between each cardio machine, I also did stretches, sit-ups and upper body weight-lifting, for which I added 40 calories burned to my total. I actually ended up burning 1010 calories. I was SO sore walking out and I had a horrific headache. I'd also run out of water near the last hour of my workout and my mouth was like paste. I'd also had an embarrassing moment on the treadmill, which was the machine I worked on last before leaving.

I'd been walking along at a moderate pace, listening to an audio book I'd downloaded onto my ipod this morning. As always happens after a long workout, the ear phones kept slipping out from all the sweat (gross, I know) and I had to keep pushing them back in. Well, I accidentally yanked on the headphone cord when I'd gone to adjust the ear piece and pulled the ipod off the ledge of the machine. It hit the treadmill and went flying behind me. In my sudden panic to save my ipod (I don't know what I imagined was going to happen to it), I couldn't think to jump onto the sides off the moving belt. I stabbed at the STOP button a few times but of course it isn't instantaneous. At the same time, I was turning around to check where my ipod was. I ended up being moved down the belt toward the end of the belt and finally just popped off the end. Fortunately, I managed to keep my balance and not fall on my arse. But, I looked up and the people on the machines behind me were looking at me funny and a guy asked if I was okay. I was too embarrassed to even answer and just got back on the now stopped machine. Ironically, I couldn't get the darned thing started again for the longest time and I could feel the weight of the exercisers' gazes behind me. I felt sure they were having a laugh, but I didn't turn around to check. Fortunately, this was the very end of my workout and I only had to do another 10 mins before I could go. I think I'll practice jumping off and on the treadmill with the one in the garage until I automatically just step up onto the sides rather than careening around like a mad person and dropping off the back like a faux stunt woman.

I feel quite okay now except for a slight lingering headache. I did eat a lot tonight (huge salad, then bowl of corn, then 2 cookies, then nectarine, then roast beef sandwich) but I expected that. I'm done eating for the night though, and will not allow myself to eat again. Its not going to work if I don't stop eating so dang much and I put way too much effort in today to sabotage it with overeating.

Tomorrow, I will just do some treadmill work to recover and then back to the gym on Tuesday. I'm very glad I got this membership :)


I know I shouldn't be on the scale but I am obsessed with jumping onto it every morning. Finally, I was down to 168.8 again. Yay! Just 0.8 more to get back to where I was a month ago and then to start losing again.

Yesterday was good and bad. Good, because I ate well for the most part of the day: I had an english muffin, double fiber, for breakfast with 1 tsp peanut butter. We were running errands so I went through Taco Bell drive-thru for lunch, but only ate 1 taco. At dinner, I had 1 cup of spaghetti with whole-grain pasta. Bad, because I had a Snickers bar while I was running errands, apple crisp dessert, of which I ate my entire serving despite the fact it didn't taste that good, and popcorn way too late at night. My only saving grace with the bad stuff is I only at one serving of each and it was spread throughout the day and night. That's probably why I didn't gain 2 pounds. But, its ironic that the day after I have the worst foods AND don't exercise for the first time in over a week, the next morning I've finally lost some weight.

I started a contest with my husband to see who could burn the most calories in a week, so I've been keeping track of my calories burned at home and at the gym. My total for the past week is 2070 calories! That's pretty good, I thought. Even though the contest is a wash because hubby only worked out one day last week and he has no interest in competing with me on it as a source of motivation, I'm going to keep tracking my calories burned so I can push myself to beat myself on previous weeks. I may not be doing well with my eating, but at least I'm doing well with the exercising and that gives me some feeling of being in control of myself.

In fact, I'm motivated to go to the gym today. I was going to just do some exercises in the garage, but I work out harder in the gym. And I want to get out of the house for a lil while. Especially as hubby woke up grouchy this morning and is on the war path.

Feeling Friday

Actually, I feel a tired Friday today. I'm happy its the end of the week and I only have a few hours of work left, but my eyes are burning and I just want to go for a lie-down right now. At least I've already done my gym workout. I did:

20 min eliptical
12 min stair stepper (I'm slowly working my way up to 20 min)
30 min bike
5 min stretch

I wanted to do some strength training, but ran out of time as I have to be home to meet the girls coming home from school. But, it was a good workout and I'm happy with my progress. On the eliptical, I've started doing half forward and half backward. The backward is awkward, but it seems to work slightly different muscles.

I was disappointed with the numbers on the scale this morning and I need to stop jumping on it every 5 minutes. I'm back to tracking my food intake on Fitday and found I'd eaten nearly 1800 calories yesterday. I only did an easy workout on the treadmill, so I probably only burned 100 to 200 calories. Today, I'm keeping my numbers lower, but then again I burned a lot more calories. How do I determine how many calories I should be eating when I have a good workout? I don't want to eat too much, but nor do I want to eat too little. Like maybe 1800 isn't bad on a day when I work out hard for an hour.

I'm thinking of starting a specific diet again, but I don't know which one I would follow and I do have trouble following a specific diet. But, I obviously need more direction because I'm hardly losing any weight at the moment. Maybe following a specific plan will help me keep in line.

I complained to hubby and he's offered to do an added workout this evening with me. Maybe I can do some treadmill walking for a bonus workout.

Thursday Weigh-In

I was really hoping to be back down to 168, but it didn't happen.

Weight: 169.0
Weight lost (again): 0.8

So, a month later and I still have 29 pounds to lose to get to my first goal of 140 and then another 30 pounds to lose to get to my ultimate goal of 110. Its going to be a long, long, long, long frustrating road at this rate.

On the upside, I kept to my guns and avoided eating after 8pm the last 2 nights. I've exercised every day since last Thursday and I have been eating lots and lots of veggies. I have also been doing pretty well with my water intake. My biggest problem was eating a lot late at night, healthy stuff sometimes, but it still adds up, so if I can continue to not eat after 8pm, then I think I may start to see more significant weight losses in the coming weeks. I just have to plod on and know that it WILL work. And at least I'm going down the scale, rather than back up.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

WTH was with BL?

What was with the Biggest Loser people last night?? Okay, I can see how if the ranch was your entire world and all you had to think about was working out, eating right and losing weight, you might get dramatic about some really minor stuff, like having to change trainers. But, Bob??? C'mon! Either he's totally wet or he was hamming it up for ratings. Both ways, it was pretty pathetic, IMO. I actually thought the switching teams around was a good thing, stir things up a bit and make it less team vs. team.

Onto me... I just got told off at work for not turning in a report sooner. Seriously, that kinda pisses me off cuz I'm working all hours given to my (by the company) and it was only assigned on Friday. Maybe I could have done it sooner and something else later - I can admit I may have prioritized wrong. However, the tone used by someone who is just an assistant to the manager was what really bothered me. I don't need to be spoken to as though I am a child, particularly by someone who is lower on our career ladder than I am, younger than me, and with way, way less experience. Especially when he didn't even ask the status or what I had going before telling me off. Especially when he really could have done the damn thing himself and, if we wanted to get technical, this particular assignment isn't even in my job description. ugh! I need to let it slide, but these sorts of things always bother me. I really must not dwell on it. Hopefully I can jog it away on the treadmill.

Doing well with eating, drinking water and exericising at the moment. Well, yesterday and today (so far). Yay for progress!

Rainy Monday

I nearly called and cancelled my reservation for Nathan at the gym daycare, but then hubby walked in and started helping me get ready to go. So, I went to the gym. I did a good workout:

30 min eliptical
20 min bike
10 min strength-training

My food intake so far has been:

1/2 bagel w/ 1 tbs fat-free cream cheese
1/2 pot of low-fat yogurt
4 oz orange juice

Asian Salad
whole grain bread w/ 1 tbs peanut butter
smooshed fruit leather

1 cup coffee w/ 2 tsp sugar & 1% milk
36 oz of water (so far)

Good day so far. I have to make up for Saturday when hubby and I got Indian food (which I could smell on my sweat today, really disgusting). I also had 2 strawberry margaritas and a piece of the kids' pizza on Saturday night. Total self-sabotage.

Yesterday I did 35 min on the treadmill and 15 min on the bike at home. I wanted to go to the gym but just never made it. On a good note, I followed through and made a menu for this week of dinners from my WW cookbook and the Cooking Light cookbook. I came up with 7 meals and was given $200. I spent $180! Usually I spend over $250 at the grocery store. So, not only do I have all the ingredients for 7 healthy meals that are easy to make, I actually saved money that way. I also purchased lunch and breakfast stuff, so it wasn't $180 just on 7 dinners :). I was really pleased with myself, though. Last night I made salmon, rice, broccoli and fresh baked (bought) whole wheat/multi-grain bread.

Tonight we're have thin-sliced broiled steak, baked potatoes w/ light butter, salad and a roasted asparagus/red pepper side dish from the WW cookbook.

I was a little up on the scale this morning and I think its from Saturday's high-fat food and multiple margaritas. I've been exercising everyday, but not enough to make up for my day of over-consumption. I also think I have been retaining water because even with drinking alcohol, I didn't have to keep running to the bathroom like I normally would. I've been drinking tons of water today and yesterday to try to make up for it.

I hope I'm back down on the scale by Thursday!

Planning for next week

I did pretty well with my eating yesterday: I stuck to my guns and only ate 3 times, each being healthy and low-cal. My only digression was to have some ice cream that hubby bought after dinner. I didn't overeat with it, though, and had had such a light dinner I felt it wouldn't destroy my efforts. I was even a little hungry about an hour later and still avoided eating anything else for the night. I had purchased some diet soda and had one of those instead and, you know, it worked! I just sipped at my fake sugary drink and was satisfied with that. I didn't even feel the need to have something salty with it, like I oftentimes would.

I did do my walk on the river trail, although I did not have time to do the entire circuit. I was disappointed with that, but it would have been dark before I'd got halfway around and I had my 6-year old so I wasn't going to risk it. We did have a very enjoyable walk, though, and the sun felt wonderful, what we got of it before it was going down.

I borrowed a "Cooking Light" cookbook from the library and plan to find a few recipes to make this week. Easy stuff cuz I know I won't have time for elaborate meals, but it will be good to cook so we don't eat out and to find something new to eat. I'll be sitting down and making my menu for the week tomorrow and try to stay within my budget when I go to the grocery store.

We were supposed to go for a bike ride as a family today, but I don't think that will happen. Alleyne was up all night with Nathan, who was waking up every hour and wasn't settling down. Alleyne finally brought Nathan to bed with us at 5am and we all slept uncomfortably together. Nathan ended up sideways and I have a neck ache from holding an awkward position so I wouldn't wake him. Alleyne is subsequently tired and irritable and I think it would be better for me to take the girls for a bike ride. I also want to go to the gym at some point today, but I may run out of time (what is it with that problem lately???) as we have a babysitter coming at 6pm so Alleyne and I can go out on a date and it's already 12pm.

Well, I can always work out in the garage. I MUST go to the gym tomorrow, though! I am already disappointed that I have not gone and we ARE paying for the privilege of me going.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


I have not had a good week with myself. I had a couple of okay days with exercising but I have not been to the gym all week. I have been waking up later than I should. I have not been doing as well with keeping up with the housework. I have not cooked dinner all week. We have eaten out twice this week and eating out is a total no-no for us, not just because of consuming more calories that way but because we're supposed to be saving money as much as possible.

I woke this morning feeling down and not wanting to do anything. This is how I used to wake up every morning but had managed to overcome this feeling for a couple weeks. When I was sticking to my schedule for sleep/wake, keeping my work/housework done, and going to the gym everyday, I was waking up feeling fine.

In fact, I didn't exercise at all yesterday and it's interesting that today I should wake up feeling more down than I have in weeks.

I will DEFINITELY exercise today. But, I'm not going to the gym or to the garage - I am going to do a long walk outside on our river trail. It is sunny, finally, after 2 weeks of non-stop rain and cold. I have read that exercising outside is the BEST form of altering one's mood. I am going to do this as soon as the kids get home from school. That gives us a couple hours of daylight. And I am going to do the full 5.5 mile trail. It will take a couple hours, but so what? It will be GOOD for me and the kids.

That makes me feel better, anyway, to have a plan.

I did weigh-in yesterday and was back down to 169.8. Just another 1.8 pounds to get back to 168, where I was when I went on that vacation. I'll be happy to be at 168 again and working downward rather than upward on the scale.

I WILL drink my water today and eat well today. In fact, I'm going to cut way back on my calories for 2 days and then go back to normal eating. Firstly, to get out of the habit of mindless eating, which I've started doing since the vacation, and secondly to restart my serious weight loss efforts. I'm tired of kinda trying to lose weight and want to get down and dirty with it.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Feeling Better

I felt really tired and yucky yesterday, for some reason. I had a migraine when I woke and I think the medicine made me feel really tired. Plus, I just feel generally run-down. I didn't make it to the gym and actually laid down at my lunch hour. I finally started feeling better around 4 pm and was able to do 10 min bike and 30 min treadmill after work.

This morning, at about 4:30 am, I woke with another migraine. I took my medicine again and slept through until 9:00 am. I'm supposed to be working at 8:00 am, and didn't actually get to my desk until 9:30 am. So, with the delay, I don't think I should take the 2 hours it takes to go to the gym today, again. I will, instead, work on the machines at home. I feel like it's a cop-out when I don't go to the gym for lunch. For one thing, I'm supposed to be getting out of the house every day. For another, I know I work harder at the gym. Plus, we're paying for it!

Tomorrow I will definitely go to the gym! In fact, I am going to call and book a space for Nathan in the daycare. I've had a couple days of downtime and now its time to get back to it full-force.

I have been better about my eating the past two days. The only downturn yesterday was that I had a bowl of cereal before I went to bed. For some reason, I felt especially hungry last night. And I saw that on the scale this morning. Overall, though, I have been doing much better and I anticipate a good number at my official weigh-in tomorrow. Maybe I'll do a "last chance workout" tonight. :)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

New Week

I did really well with my exercising yesterday - I did 70 minutes on the treadmill, including jogging and 25 mins of uphill. I burned more than 500 calories, according to the machine, and I do feel a bit sore today despite drinking a gallon of water last night.

However, my eating habits are still not up to par. I went out to lunch with a friend who was visiting us for the weekend and ordered a cheeseburger. I had a brownie when I got home. I realized I had not eaten any veggies all day and so decided I would have a salad for dinner. However, my son made spaghetti for the fam and I ended up eating that instead. I mean, the tomatoes are good, of course, but I certainly didn't need to eat any more meat!

So, I am going to try to get back to eating my six servings of fruits and veggies, drinking my weight in water, and avoiding processed, sugary and high-caloric/low nutrition foods. In fact, for the next week I am going to track my food intake on my fitday. It's easy to overeat when you don't see the actual numbers. I am guessing my cheeseburger lunch was a good 1500 calories, but if I wrote everything down I had eaten yesterday I'd probably be surprised by the numbers involved. I have been knowingly eating poorly, but in a rather vague sense of "I'm not supposed to eat this" rather than with the knowledge of the full stark numbers.

So, water, water and more water, writing down what I eat and continuing my exercises and I bet I will be back under 170 by Thursday. I know I can do this, it's just a matter of actually doing it and not kidding myself.

Moving Forward

I didn't want to post my official weight from yesterday but it would be counter-productive if I only posted the good weights. So here are my numbers from yesterday:

Weight: 172
Weight Lost: +4

Weight Goal: 140
Difference: 32

I wasn't surprised to have a 4 pound gain, but disappointed in myself nonetheless. I also found myself wanting to continue the eating habits I had reverted to while we were gone. I had to get some groceries and managed to not buy anything that wasn't strictly nutritional and within my calorie base. Last night, after dinner, I really wanted something sweet and I would have killed for a candybar, but I managed a piece of gum instead. I had a massive salad for dinner, so I'm happy with yesterday's efforts.

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday because work was crazy and I had started late. But, I did schedule Nathan in for the daycare today. We're getting back to our routine! Plus, Alenn put together his new treadmill and I did 65 minutes on it last night.

I had a half-pound loss this morning, so that's good! I know I can get back to 168 in the next week or two and start working moving in the right direction again. I'm not going to beat myself up about the 4 pound gain because nothing good would come of it, but I do hope I can discover why I turn to eating such an unhealthy diet as soon as I can justify it. It wasn't like I was really enjoying all that junk food and high-calorie food. The eating wasn't about sustenance, I'm just not entirely sure yet what it is about and determining that, I think, will be a much bigger hurtle than any exercising I do or food I eat.

I'm a Bad Girl

Today was the first day I have worked out since Friday. I did 20 m treadmill and 20 m eliptical. It was hard, just from having been so lazy the last few days.

The worse part is how I've been eating. For instance, for breakfast I had a scrambler bowl from Perkins, which consists of fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, cheese and tomatoes. The side was 2 pancakes. I ate about 3/4 of the entire dish. That's probably 1500 calories by itself, if not more. I then had a Cherry Coke, gummy bears and Cheetos for a snack as we traveled from one end of WA to the other. For dinner, pizza and a Butterfinger candybar. Can we say 4000 calories today?? I jumped on the gym scale and it said nearly 180. That scared me! I don't know if it was because I have actually gained more than 10 pounds in the last four days or because the scale is way different. I'm really hoping for the latter, but I couldn't really be surprised if it was the former. I know I'm on vacation and all, but it's disappointing to digress so badly.

Tomorrow I will do a lot better. I am going to work out in the morning before we leave and eat good all day. And drink water instead of soda. And try to get back in the game.

At least we're going home tomorrow so I can get back to my routine.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Dead Tired in WA

So Alenn got home from work yesterday at 8:30 pm, but by the time we got the van packed and actually left, it was 10:00 pm. I drove until 3:00 am, which got us halfway through Oregon. Alenn then drove us the rest of the way to Seattle and we arrived at 7:30 am. Although I got a little bit of sleep while Alenn was driving, I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep well. I am looking forward to a soft bed tonight!

Alenn used his points to get us a really nice suite at the Mariott. Its a mini-apartment, complete with refrigerator, stove and dishes! And it was recently built so its very nice. I was able to get some work done this afternoon while the kids watched on-demand movies and destoyed the room - at least I feel at home with the destruction :).

Alenn won't finish his work for today until 7:00 pm and as tired as we are, we likely won't do any site seeing today. That's okay, though. In a little bit, I'm going to take the kids to get some must-haves and drive around a bit to get a look-see. We're not in Seattle anymore, but a little farther north. The sun just now came out, so I'm anxious to go as soon as the movie they're watching is over. We're paying for the privilege, so I want to get my full money's worth!

I'm not sure what I'll do for a workout today. I ate a really bad breakfast at Denny's this morning - a cheese, egg and ham sandwich and a couple of their new pancake balls. Also, we had McD's for dinner last night, which is defo a bad idea. So, I'm like mega off my diet at the moment and I'd better have a good dinner and do some exercise if I don't want to gain 10 pounds this weekend. I'll have to ask if they have a gym here. If not, maybe I can find a park to take the kids to and walk around in.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday - I had to go to my son's school at lunchtime and worked until late playing catch-up from the day before.

But, I went today:

25 min eliptical
25 min stationary bike

I still have a lot of work, especially with the reduction in hours for everyone in the company, so I didn't stay at the gym long. But, I upped my efforts a bit and really felt wiped out once I'd finished my 50 minutes.

Its nice that I'm not sore after a workout anymore, too.

I feel I'm neglecting the strength training, but I know I'll get to that when things settle down around here and I'm doing the most important stuff at the moment anyway.

So hubby won employee of the year for last year and was given $1000 in gift cards. He decided to buy a treadmill and exercise bike because he wants to lose weight too. I feel kinda stupid for having the gym membership AND the exercise equipment at home when we are financially stretched, but at least I can now work out at home on the days when I can't get to the gym. Not that I couldn't before (a walk up and down the street isn't difficult) but having the machines here will make me more likely to use them, I think. Or not. Either way, I can now work out effectively at home or at the gym so there is NO EXCUSE to not work out. Given the amount of money we are spending on exercise at the moment, Alenn and I had better lose some weight this year!!

I have decided at the last minute to go out of town with Alenn. He was going to drive from CA to WA tonight, after work. Well, I didn't feel comfortable with that, especially considering how late it will be before he's home from work because he's a 3 hour drive away at the moment. So, I'm going with him to help drive. It's cool because he has a presentation on Tuesday in CA so he has to come home on Monday, which is my day off anyway. So, it all works out. And it will be fun to go out of town. Also, my kids' grandma lives in WA so they'll go for a visit while Alenn is working. It all works out well.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Surviving the bad days

Official weigh day, here are my numbers:

Weight: 168.0
Weight lost this week: 0

I'm actually okay with my numbers this week because over the weekend and the beginning of this week, the scale had moved back to 169, so I'm glad it went back down by this morning. I didn't lost anything, but at least I didn't gain anything!

Yesterday was a really bad day. It started at 4:00 am when Nathan, my 1 year old, wouldn't stay asleep. Alleyne had had a long day at work the previous day and I was just tired from my new schedule. I took a turn with Nathan but he just cried and fussed because he was so tired but wouldn't go to sleep and that kept Alleyne awake too. Later that morning, Alleyne and I got into a huge fight during which neither of us was being reasonable because we were both so tired. It ended up being a pretty horrific fight so that I called off at work because I was a mess. Alleyne calmed down and took a nap with Nathan and I wasn't sure what to do with myself at that point. I was thinking I should try to work, but knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate and my work is such that I don't have much room for mistakes. So, I went to the gym. That is a first for me, to react to stress and upset with exercise! But, I did an hour on the treadmill, alternating between walking, jogging and hill climbing. I felt better after an hour but so tired physically that I was spinning. So, I came home and tried to take a nap. Alleyne got up with Nathan and then I couldn't sleep because I was stressed about my fight with Alleyne, which we still hadn't resolved. I finally sat him down in the evening and we smoothed everything out.

So, I'm really hoping today is a lot better. Alleyne is going out of town again tomorrow, so I'm bummed about that. But, it's got to be an improvement over yesterday.

I did okay with my eating yesterday despite everything. Actually, I didn't eat a heck of a lot most of the day because I don't tend to eat during a crisis but after the crisis.

I did eat a Butterfinger last night though. I didn't even enjoy it and knew I wasn't enjoying it while I was eating it, but ate it anyway. One of these days I'll be able to put the damn thing down.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Biggest Loser

Anyone watch this show? I'm thinking...yes! :) I quite like it, although I'm jealous of the contestants who can spend all their time just trying to lose weight. Not that I'd want to be away from my kids for weeks at a time, but it'd be nice to see a double-digit weight loss in one week!

I had no reason for bringing that up, other than just to talk about it.

Today was good - gym workout:

40 min eliptical
20 min stationary bike

No strength training again cuz I ended up working past 12:00, but I plan on doing some dumb bell weight lifting while watching TV tonight.

Food for today:

Bowl of Total Raisin Bran w/ 1% milk
1/2 cup coffee with 1 tsp sugar & 1% milk
whole grain bread w/ 1 tsp peanut butter
1 cup red grapes
4 whole grain crackers
2 slices cheese

That's a lot of fat, I'm thinking. I don't know why, but I'm attracted to foods like nuts and peanut butter and cheeses. I wish I could avoid them more. I had no veggies today! Fruit, but no veggies. I'll have to just eat salad for dinner or heat up a bag of frozen veggies.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I did well at the gym today. 65 minutes on the treadmill (including 10 mins jogging and 25 mins incline) and 20 minutes on the stationary bike. I didn't do any strength training today because I ran out of time. I was sweating buckets, though, so I knew I had a good workout. I've also started pushing myself on the bike, increasing the difficulty until I can barely pedal and then dropping it back down after a couple minutes. That's how athletes train, right? I like challenging myself, too. I want to see how much stronger I will be in a couple weeks compared to today.

Eating lately, not as good. I don't know why, but I have fallen off the wagon since the pizza incident. Not that all my choices are bad, but not all my choices are good. Not that all my choices were good before, but lately less of my choices have been good than before. Its like since I gave myself the night off with the pizza and Mountain Dew, I can't gear myself up for behaving with my food choices again. And twice over the past week (once being the pizza day and the other time being last night) I have eaten, knowingly, past the point of satiation. More self-sabotage. I just haven't figured out what the driving force behind it is.

At least I'm still doing well with the exercising, though. I didn't make it to the gym over the weekend but on Saturday I did some yoga and chased Nathan around the backyard and Sunday I went for a hike with the fam and then played soccer in the parking lot before we left. I love those kinds of days. In fact, it was only cuz hubby finished work super early that we were able to do that. I wish we could do it every weekend, but Alenn is gone too much. In fact, he'll be in away again next weekend :(. I just found out and I'm not looking forward to it.

Yesterday, I noticed that I've been feeling increasingly lonely lately. Not only is Alenn often gone, but we have moved away from all friends and family and have yet to make new friends.

Ack, enough whinging! Everyone has their trials, I just need to take it one day at a time and enjoy today.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Without Direction

It's difficult to describe, but yesterday was the first weekend day in a long time when I did not have something that I HAD to do. Usually, I put doing things off all week; such as exercising or doing the laundry or finishing my work or getting the house cleaned up. Then, come Saturday morning, I wake feeling like I need to do all the things I didn't get done all week. Well, that didn't happen this Saturday because I had such a productive week. I had exercised 5 days in a row. I had cleaned the house and done the laundry every day of the week. I had worked as many hours as I was allowed to work.

Now what? So, I cleaned out my van, which has needed cleaning for months. I can't describe the amount of ground-in crumbs I vacuumed up - except to say "gross!"

Now what, again? I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Suddenly, now that I had permission to, I didn't want to laze around reading a book, watch a movie, take the kids to a park or go shopping. I felt out of sorts for most of the day. Do I only want to do those things when I'm avoiding doing the things that need to be done? That's a strange thought.

Today, I woke early and played with the baby. Ashley, my 6 year old, got up and she played with us. I fed them breakfast. I cleaned up my bedroom and the living room. I got the older kids up.

Then I was back to "now what?" I read some of my book but, although its a good book, I got tired of reading.

I did another load of laundry.

I put clothes and towels away.

Then it was 10:30 am and I was showered, cleaned, bored... I can't go anywhere because the truck is sans working brakes (hubby will be working on it again today) and he had to take my van to work. That's okay, though, cuz I have no where to go anyway.

So, what do people do when they aren't doing something to avoid doing the thing they should be doing? I have no idea. I think I'll take the baby outside to play while I ponder this idea. Then I'll put him down for a nap and do yoga, maybe that will help.

Oh yeah, and although I shouldn't be checking, the scale is up again. I'm back to 170 this morning. I'm thinking "its the exercise" and trying not to lose heart. I know its normal to go up and down on the scale when starting a new exercise regime. I need to stay off the scale!

Since I can't go anywhere today, I have no excuse not to drink my 6 glasses of water.