Emotional eating, anyone?

Its been a good week, but also a trying week. I've been having to go non-stop without a lot of time for myself. I'm still making time for exercise, so I'm doing good in that regard. Today I incorporated my workout into running to my toddler's new preschool to drop off the enrollment paperwork. Its only a mile each way, but still a decent workout, especially since I'd done so much yesterday. And it was hot today, so that 2 miles was enough for me. Actually it was more like 2.5 miles. But, anyway...

I was doing okay until a few things happened: 1. I found out hubby wasn't coming home this afternoon like he was supposed to - he was held up and won't be home until tomorrow at the earliest; 2. I learned my mother-in-law and her mother are coming to visit and that means having the house super clean, which, while I've maintained tidiness in the house this week, I haven't had a lot of time for a good cleaning; 3. Hubby and I got into a fight, one of our revolving disagreements and I had my feelings severely hurt; 4. I got into a confrontation with my supervisor at work (minor, but still upsetting); 5. I didn't sleep well last night and have been fighting a headache all day...

By this evening, I was feeling tired, out of sorts, angry, unsure of myself, worried, put upon, etc. I chose to eat ice cream. I ate a huge bowl of it, consciously scooping at least three servings' worth into a bowl. I knew exactly what I was doing while I was doing it - I was totally conscious of why I was eating the ice cream, and how I would be disappointed with myself later, etc. etc. but I just didn't give a damn. I pretty much thumbed my nose at my better side.

It wasn't even that good, having been in the freezer too long.

But I ate it all and then I calmed down and that was the end of it. And, actually, I don't even feel that bad about it.

Good Day

I had a good day with the working out. I've discovered workouts on Fit TV and did a dvr'd dance routine and then some strength training. I followed that up with a walk to the library and back, which is about a mile away. It was really warm out today so it felt good and it's good to get the kids out.

This week hasn't been nearly as bad as I feared it would be. The kids and I have found our own rhythm and, surprisingly, I've been able to keep working full time. I just plop my laptop down on the kitchen table and (with the wonders of a one-room living space) can monitor the kids as they play in the living room, watch PBS shows or out the back door, which is literally two feet from the dining room table. I can see the entire back yard from my perch, thanks to a small yard and there being five windows on that wall alone. Definite advantages to living in small spaces. They also go up to their room occasionally, but I've roped off all rooms but their bedroom and that is child proof so I only have to go up and check on them occasionally while they're up there. Fortunately, though, they prefer to be downstairs.

We've gone on a couple walks this week. I took them to the library the other night, to see how long it would take us, and then got lost on the way back. It was getting dark and I was nearly to the point of calling hubby and having him help me back with the aid of a map, but then I found a recognizable street and we made it home. What I thought would be a 30 minute walk ended up being nearly 1 hour and 30 minutes, but that's not a bad thing. And it didn't feel overly long. I was only nervous about it being dark and finding my way home. I've also taken the kids to the park and let them run around in the sun.

After work, I've been warming up the pre-cooked dinners (I'm so glad I did that!!) and then bathing them and putting them in bed. Then it's clean-up time for me, followed by maybe 30 minutes to read in bed. Not a lot of me time, for sure. Hubby owes me when he gets back. :)

However, it's actually been kinda nice just having the two little ones around, like I can connect with them a bit more than I usually give myself time for. We've enjoyed some quiet times reading, playing blocks or sitting and watching Sesame Street together. It's been nice.

Abandoned

Here's some irony - hubby is working in California at the moment while I'm left in Washington. Annoying, to say the least. He's been gone since Wednesday and not due back until Thursday late. Ah well.

Also, my eldest daughter is visting her grandmother. So, it's just me and the 2 little ones this week. I thought it was going to be near impossible to work with no help, but it worked out okay today.

We ordered satellite tv at this house and I have discovered Fit TV. I like some of the cooking shows and I'm able to DVR the workout shows. Fast forwarding through the commercials while keeping the heart rate up is annoying, but otherwise its cool to have a different workout every day. :)

Yesterday I was super productive and cooked several meals for the week and put them in single serving containers. I know this sounds super anal, but I wanted to be able to just heat up healthy food because I knew I'd be too busy to want to cook during the week. I had fast food a couple times over the weekend because I was driving my daughter to her grandmother's and want to make up for that. Plus, my weight loss has stalled again because, again, I'm not putting 100% into my weight loss.

Still working out most days, though. And still have plenty of energy. I only have had some headaches recently that have slowed me down a bit. However, even with that, I still have ten times the energy I had before I started working out.

I think I'll take a walk with the kids after dinner. I'm kinda sore from a step workout I did yesterday.

TOPS

Ever heard of TOPS = Take Off Pounds Sensibly? Apparently there are chapters everywhere. I don't know a lot about them, other than that my mother and grandmother were members of their local chapters and it could be renamed "Take Off Pounds (for) Seniors." I looked into joining a chapter in Redding for two reasons:

1. It worked for my mom for years.
2. Its way cheaper than Weight Watchers but really no different, from what I could tell. The cost is $27 a YEAR, not biweekly.

Anyway, I looked into joining in Redding, but a photo of the members revealed they were all white haired seniors and, well, I didn't think I'd fit in well with the group, being that I'm in my early 30's. So, I went to Weight Watchers a few times, hated the cost, disliked the leader, wasn't getting anything out of it and stopped going.

When we got to Washington, I looked up a local chapter of TOPS but there was no photo of the members. I figured it would likely be all seniors again, but you never know... my mom wasn't a senior when she attended and, from memory, most of the other members weren't seniors either. So, maybe that was particular to Redding?

I can honestly say they weren't all white-haired, but they were all at least 20 years my senior and most of them 30 or 40 years my senior. Which, if I wanted to feel young, isn't a bad thing. But, it was a bit cheesy. First of all, they meet in the rec room of an apartment complex. And the complex isn't even that nice - it's in the okay range. When I got to the meeting, one of the residents of the apartment complex was watching a movie, very loudly. We had to wait until he finished.

To be fair, the team leader wasn't present because her sister is ill. The rest of the meeting was rather haphazard, but I can understand that since the leader wasn't present. The members who were there said that that night was light on member attendance, which I can chalk up to being August and super hot at the moment.

We didn't really discuss weight loss.

I'm undecided.

My Face

So, I got my Washington driver's license in the mail today and I was astonished and disgusted with my photo. I look so much fatter than I feel! My eyes are tiny dots in my overly round face, the underside of my chin hangs down so far it gives the illusion of a separate feature. I look drugged and tired and unhappy. I didn't realize I looked like that!! I know that we are our worst critic and, of course, I'm focusing on all the negative, but even when I try to look at myself objectively, all I see is a very fat, unhappy person. Do I really go around looking that unhappy or can I see something others don't?

I wish I could say that this is incentive to lose weight, but right now I just feel out of sorts with myself. I am sticking to my good diet and I finished a 45 minute cardio workout today, so it's not having the opposite effect. I'm definitely going to avoid looking at that photo until I lose more weight!

Taking time out

Today my husband and I both had the day off, weren't feeling pressured to get anything done, be it to the house or for work, and decided to take the kids to the zoo. Afterward, we found a fish & chip restaurant in Portland (we're just over the border in Washington) and had a nice dinner, even if the 2 year old decided to war-paint himself with the tartar sauce. I ate a turkey sandwich and salad (and some of my daughter's fries).

We also drove by a produce stand on the way to the restaurant and I made the hubs turn around and go back. I bought a bunch of locally grown fruit and veg for less than $15. I had borrowed a whole foods cookbook from the library and was itchy to get started on some recipes. I'm pretty excited about cooking healthier, cleaner foods, actually. And, although its too early to really tell, I already feel like I have more energy throughout the day.

I've been cooking us farm fresh veggie loaded dinners for the past week and it seems like I can already feel a difference. Also, contrary to my concern, I have halved my food bill by cooking things from whole foods and not buying processed or frozen foods. Its weird because I thought some of the frozen foods I used to buy were way cheaper than cooking from fresh, but that was because I was preparing food, not actually cooking food. When you prepare your dinners with boxed pastas, too-large cuts of meat and frozen veggies, you actually spend more money than when you cook a meal with 60% farm fresh veggies from a produce stand, a small cut of meat and cooked brown rice. I'm also learning it doesn't take that much longer to cook from whole foods.

Yesterday we had bean and cheese burritos with wheat tortillas (purchased) and homemade beans. I actually made the beans the day before when I was cooking that day's meal. I was able to rinse and put the beans in a pot on the stove between preparing the evening meal for that day. Then, that night, I put the beans in the refrigerator until the following evening. All I had to do then was mush them and heat them up in a little olive oil and voila, dinner was ready.

Also, here's a benefit of exercise. We spent 4 hours at the zoo walking around constantly. I carried a backpack and sometimes the 2 year old, as well as pushed a stroller and had to run after the 2 year old on several occasions. By the time we were done, I felt a bit tired, but not exhausted and no part of my body was in pain. My feet didn't hurt, my legs weren't sore. I remember a time when if I walked for longer than 30 minutes, my legs and hips would ache like crazy. Instead, tonight when we got home I still had the energy to clean the kitchen, get the kids to bed, do some laundry and get my produce washed and put away. Meanwhile, hubby was prone on the couch moaning that his legs and feet hurt. I had to bite my tongue to point out that this is why exercise is so beneficial. No one wants to be nagged to exercise! But, I am such an exercise convert. And, actually, I think the energy drive behind cooking healthy meals from whole foods is from exercising as well. Being active and getting things done just isn't as painful and uncomfortable as it once was, so standing for 45 minutes preparing food doesn't seem as daunting as it would have a year ago. Its all down to exercise, that's what I believe.

Weigh-In

Weight: 158.6
Loss: 1.2

Too bad that loss isn't over a one week period but over several weeks. But, happy with a loss! I've been up and down, per usual. I have been spending more time incorporating fresh produce into our meals, which should help. My exercising is hit or miss at the moment. I plan on getting on the treadmill later today, after my dr appointment.

Work is super slow at the moment. I wish I could take advantage but I just worry about money.

Interesting Theory

I'm reading a book, I think it's called "A Life Unburdened," about a man who lost 150 pounds. His theory is that because of sub-nutritious diets and food we eat, our bodies are constantly hungry for nutritients, which leads to overeating. Its an interesting theory. And if you consider that food affects our moods and sense of wellbeing, our diets are causing us to feel low and lack energy, which also leads to overeating and under-exercising. I can see the sense in his argument. I doubt eating well will override major emotional scars and clinical depression, etc. but I do think eating a better diet can alter one's moods.

So, I'm with the guy, I think better eating is beneficial and worth the effort of more cooking and prep time, having to go to more than one store for food, etc. The problem I come up against is HOW do I eat like that. I bought some produce at a farmer's market, organic (supposedly) and fresh local. I made a beef vegetable soup, which was really yummy. Tonight I made chicken salad for dinner. But, now what? And what about my salad, it was a bagged salad with fresh tomatoes and cucumber, but is the lettuce good enough? Probably not. And the chicken... do I have to buy organic, free-range chicken? Where do I buy it? And milk, eggs, yogurt... it gets to be overwhelming, both with regard to the costs and finding the best places to buy these things.

Tonight we had cake for my son's birthday. What about that? Would I have to make cake from scratch? From organic whole wheat flour and raw sugar?? That sounds extreme and difficult. I can make a boxed cake but that's probably no better than an already baked cake.

So, I'm sorta stuck between feeling that it makes sense that we should eat better foods, less processed, bleached and chemically derived food and more whole, natural food and not knowing how one goes about eating that way and can I afford it???

I guess it's rather like taking on any major life change, just change a little at a time. So, I can keep going to the farmer's market for fresh locally grown produce (which is no more expensive than grocery produce) and even fresh bread, which I found was also no more expensive, and avoid anything that is obviously over-processed. But just cuz it's organic doesn't mean its nutritionally superior, right? So, would there really be a difference between store-bought milk and organic milk? I think I'll just stick with the produce and bread for the moment. Maybe eat more beans and less meat, but I firmly believe we still need some meat, especially the kids.

If y'all know how to go about adding more whole foods into your diet, please share.

Settling In

We're finally moved into our new house and mostly everything is put in it's place. I still have a few boxes in the garage, but not many. I was very determined to get the house in order as quickly as possible and had most of the boxes unpacked and our furniture organized by the third night. I was surprisingly not sore after all the hefting and carrying, going up and down the stairs a zillion times and sorting and putting stuff away. Monday and yesterday night I didn't have too much to do, just minor unpacking of the last boxes and doing laundry and cleaning. Tonight I'll get the last of the boxes but I think there are only about 3 left so that won't take long.

I haven't exercised in over a week because of all the packing and loading/unpacking and unloading, which was way more exercise than I would get from a DVD or the treadmill! I will get back on that wagon today, though. I'm more determined than ever to maintain being in better shape because I know that's what gave me the energy and drive to get this move done as quickly as possible and led to me not feeling sore.

I need to get back into the game with my eating, as well. Portion-wise I was doing really well until yesterday, but I was eating fast-food and whatever was at hand, which was usually a less than good food choice. Yesterday, for some reason, I overate to the point of feeling over full. Maybe just a comedown from the stress of moving? Not sure, but I felt annoyed with myself about it. I need to get back to the calorie counting again and making smart food choices. That's the plan for today, anyway.