Without Direction

It's difficult to describe, but yesterday was the first weekend day in a long time when I did not have something that I HAD to do. Usually, I put doing things off all week; such as exercising or doing the laundry or finishing my work or getting the house cleaned up. Then, come Saturday morning, I wake feeling like I need to do all the things I didn't get done all week. Well, that didn't happen this Saturday because I had such a productive week. I had exercised 5 days in a row. I had cleaned the house and done the laundry every day of the week. I had worked as many hours as I was allowed to work.

Now what? So, I cleaned out my van, which has needed cleaning for months. I can't describe the amount of ground-in crumbs I vacuumed up - except to say "gross!"

Now what, again? I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Suddenly, now that I had permission to, I didn't want to laze around reading a book, watch a movie, take the kids to a park or go shopping. I felt out of sorts for most of the day. Do I only want to do those things when I'm avoiding doing the things that need to be done? That's a strange thought.

Today, I woke early and played with the baby. Ashley, my 6 year old, got up and she played with us. I fed them breakfast. I cleaned up my bedroom and the living room. I got the older kids up.

Then I was back to "now what?" I read some of my book but, although its a good book, I got tired of reading.

I did another load of laundry.

I put clothes and towels away.

Then it was 10:30 am and I was showered, cleaned, bored... I can't go anywhere because the truck is sans working brakes (hubby will be working on it again today) and he had to take my van to work. That's okay, though, cuz I have no where to go anyway.

So, what do people do when they aren't doing something to avoid doing the thing they should be doing? I have no idea. I think I'll take the baby outside to play while I ponder this idea. Then I'll put him down for a nap and do yoga, maybe that will help.

Oh yeah, and although I shouldn't be checking, the scale is up again. I'm back to 170 this morning. I'm thinking "its the exercise" and trying not to lose heart. I know its normal to go up and down on the scale when starting a new exercise regime. I need to stay off the scale!

Since I can't go anywhere today, I have no excuse not to drink my 6 glasses of water.