Stress & Self-Sabotage

It has been very stressful the last couple weeks. Between having to take my son to his grandma, my daughter having problems in school, my husband only working part time and us struggling financially, hubby and I fighting because of the stress...it's gotten to the point where I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. And now, when exercise is especially needed as a de-stressor, I am having a hard time finding the motivation. I still haven't been to the gym. Yesterday, I didn't work out at all and today I finally forced myself to take a 20 minute walk around my neighborhood. I felt a little better after that, at least. But, where has all my motivation gone to get to the gym or use the home equipment to really bash out a good workout? I have nearly zero energy. I'm barely keeping the house tidy and for the last two nights I've had everyone fend for themselves for dinner.

Last night was a low point for me. Yesterday morning I woke and jumped on the scale, as is my wont, and it read nearly 2 pounds down from my last official weigh-in. It was the lowest number I've had in a long time and I was very excited. I did well all day and then last night I had the munchies and decided to make a little popcorn. Only, I was heavy-handed with the pouring and buttering. I ended up with a huge bowl of too-buttery, overly salted popcorn. About a quarter way through, I was full. I kept eating. And eating. And eating. Until it was gone. I was so full it was painful. I couldn't go to bed because my stomach hurt that I couldn't lay down. It was pathetic and stupid and exactly the behavior that got me to be morbidly obese.

Today was equally stressful, but I refused to allow myself to fall apart with my food choices again. In fact, I made very good choices. This morning, I forced myself to start the day with some oatmeal and a glass of ice water. For lunch, carrots and broccoli and more ice water. Just before dinner, hubby asked me to go with him to get a prescription filled. Well, he ended up having a problem getting it filled, went to his doctor's office and waited OVER AN HOUR to get it fixed. We couldn't leave it because he's flying out to Wisconsin in the morning. I was SO hungry by the time we could leave I could have eaten anything, at all. At the pharmacy, hubby offered to get me a snack. I said no, I'd wait. I wanted a snack SO BAD, but I resisted. We had to wait 15 minutes for the prescription. The entire time we were waiting, I was trying to decide what to have for dinner. Guess what was across the street, filling our van with great food smells? Carl's Jr! I had just read today how Carl's Jr. is the absolute worst fast-food place to eat at. I was salivating and hubby was saying we could eat wherever I wanted cuz he felt bad for keeping me at the doctor's office.

I told him "go home." We got home and I heated up some light Progresso soup for 2 points for the entire can. The first bite was heaven. I could taste every spice and herb, every piece of vegetable. It was the best soup ever. I'm SO glad I chose to come home and eat soup.

Now, whatever the scales says tomorrow for my official weigh-in, I know that tonight I triumphed with my food choices and that is really what this is about.