Wednesday, May 27, 2009

And the winner is...

I have won the Self-Sabotage of the Year award! Seriously, I have been binge-eating for 2 days. Last night we went out to dinner and I ate what I'm sure is one of the most fattening meals on the menu and then came home and got into the kids' school lunch snacks and ate until I felt ill. And I STILL wanted to eat. I exercised for the requisite 20 minutes yesterday, but that was it. I hardly broke a sweat. Today I feel GROSS!! My weight was back up to 165 (up 2 pounds again) and my pants were already feeling slightly snugger than the last time I wore them.

What is up with this!?!?!? Why do I finally lose a couple pounds and then start the gain/loss cycle again. This has been going on since I started to lose weight a year ago: I do well enough to lose a couple pounds, then do the gain/loss for several weeks, then maybe get another solid 1 or 2 pound gain before I revert to the gain/loss of the same few pounds. This has led me to lose a total of 4 pounds since January 1st!!!! Despite exercising religiously for months, despite forcing myself to drink water and eat healthier, I CANNOT seem to stay on track long enough to actually lose all this damned weight! I'm very disgusted with myself, to be honest. I have been wanting to get into the 150's for months and whenever I get down around 162 or 163, I screw up and gain instead of lose the last couple pounds to put me in the 150's. Its mental!!

That's it, I'm not going to write anything more about it.

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