Thursday, May 7, 2009

Weigh-In & More

Current Weight: 164
Last Weight: 163.6

GAIN: 0.4

Okay, that could have been WAY worse, considering how I've been eating the past few days. I'm talking over 2000 calories yesterday. I was going to go to bed at 1800 calories to avoid additional eating, but ended up eating MORE instead. I was making my daughter's sandwich for today's lunch and decided I was hungry and wanted one. I WAS NOT hungry, actually, and I know better than to eat PEANUT BUTTER just before going to bed. That was probably a 300 - 400 calorie sandwich. I followed that up with a huge glass of fruit juice. Ugh! What am I doing!?!?

I started my day with 2 ice creams. They were diet ice creams, but still. I then ate:

1 buttered toast
1/2 cup coffee w/ non-fat creamer & sugar
frozen dinner, beef pot roast
pasta & veggies in cheese sauce
large bowl Frosted Flakes

This was all eaten by 1pm. I don't know why I keep eating - I wasn't even hungry when I had the Frosted Flakes!! Obviously, I'm using food and this is the type of behavior that got me to be obese, but how do I turn it off?

I tried to examine my feelings: I'm upset that hubby is out of town AGAIN; I'm sad that my parents are gone and their visit was so short; I'm worried about my youngest, whose been sick for nearly a week; I have a huge stress knot in the back of my neck that's so painful I can't even touch it; I'm disappointed and disgusted with myself for going off track, and so badly. I'm definitely feeling "depressed" - i.e. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, I just want to sleep, the house is falling apart and I'm avoiding work. I just don't know how to get out of this rut.

I tried doing a good cardio exercise DVD today but I only managed about 15 mins and then turned it off cuz I have NO energy. I then tried a Pilates workout, thinking that would stretch me, loosen me, and relax me but I only did about 10 minutes and just plain wasn't into it. At least I got some exercise, such as it is. I had planned to walk the kids to the park today but don't want to do that with the baby ill.

So, I need to concentrate on what I HAVE accomplished. Even though I've fallen off the wagon with my eating, I've still been exercising everyday. Last night I did nearly 2 hours on the treadmill. I'm now on day 32 of my 100 day goal and I've only used one of my 5 free days. I'm nearly 1/3 of the way there! I can easily see achieving that goal.

I've decided to get myself back into the eating groove by attempting a "reset." I'm going to strive to eat ONLY fruits & veg for 24 hours and then fruit & veg and grain & milk for 24 hours after that. I'll see how I feel then. Maybe I'll regain my energy and rewire my mood. That's what I'm hoping anyway. No more mindless eating!!!

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