Weigh-In

Weight: 154.8
Gain: 2

Yep, a gain this week. One could blame it on Christmas, but I know that isn't when I gained the weight. I actually did really well on Christmas day and the day following. It was the 27th, 28th and 29th that were the gut busters. I don't know why, but I was doing that thing...you know, where you can't stop eating, don't feel full even when your stomach is uncomfortably stuffed? When you can't seem to stop walking to the cupboard and/or fridge, over and over again, like every ten minutes or even five minutes. Sometimes you close it and walk away. Maybe even over and over, you walk to the fridge, open the door, look inside, close the door and walk away, only to return after 5 minutes and repeat the process. Once, twice, three times, then, on the fourth round, you grab a pudding cup, or a slice of cheese, or some bread and peanut butter. Make a quick snack. Then go back to what you were doing. Except, five minutes later, you're up and back at the fridge. Gazing at the shelves while you still have the taste of peanut butter in your mouth. And you know you aren't technically hungry, but you WANT to eat. Its not a vague want, but a driving need... yes, I can see why people call overeating an addiction. I have spent the last three nights knowingly eating well beyond my calorie needs for the day; caring but not caring that I was definitely eating more than I was burning off. Eating when I knew damn well I wasn't in the least hungry in the physical sense. I didn't try to distract myself or write in my journal or try to ignore it; I gave in without much fight actually. I even rather enjoyed giving in. Like I was sticking it to myself. The other self, the self that exercises and counts calories and reads diet books and makes goals.

I feel better today. I guess I've had my "fix" for the time being.