We had a good weekend, the fam and I. Yesterday my 13 year old had a pre-graduation (from middle school) party and today we went to a local museum to see Sue, the T-Rex. We also took the kids to a kind of petting zoo, although all they really had to pet today was some sheep and dogs. But, that's living in the boonies for you.
I did horribly with my diet yesterday and didn't exercise at all on Friday and Saturday. In fact, I went a day over my 5 free days and lost my goal of 100 days at like 52 days. Not good, eh? I'm starting over, though. Today is Day 1 of exercise/on plan eating. I'll try again for 100 days.
Yesterday I ate all the junk food with the kiddos, including (but not limited to) chips, veggies and full-fat ranch, pizza, soda and cake. I didn't limit myself at all. I wasn't thinking that I had given up on my weight loss efforts and that I would just accept being fat, but I really didn't care what I would weigh today.
Today, of course, I cared a bit more. And I was UP. But, that's okay. I just accepted that today was a new start and I would continue to do the best I could each day. I bought a journal to start writing in so I can figure out what is making me want to overeat. Whenever I feel like eating when I know good and well that I am not hungry, I'm going to write in my journal instead. At least, that's the plan. And I'm not going to worry about the fat/calorie content of everything I put in my mouth; I'm going to concentrate on just not eating past the point when I'm no longer hungry.
Take today, for example. Because we were out running around, we stopped at McDonald's for lunch. I could have gone with a salad or some other low-fat/low-calorie food, but I knew that I would just crave the cheeseburger and feel jilted somehow. I knew I wouldn't actually like eating the salad (I HATE fast-food salads) and I wouldn't be satisfied. So, instead I got a McChicken sandwich (no fries or soda) and had a bite of hubby's burger. And that was it, I was satisfied. I didn't eat a bizilion calories but neither did I feel I got cheated somehow. I had control.
Tonight, we went out to dinner again, to support a friend who has a restaruant. We know its totally not easy for this friend right now, so we try to eat there whenever we can. I ordered a chicken burrito. I ate less than half and boxed the rest. I didn't cut the burrito first or make a decision on how much I would consume before I started eating. Instead, I ate until I recognized that I was no longer hungry and then I stopped. I also ate a few of the tortilla chips. But, not more than half a dozen and I was happy with that.
I still want to focus on eating healthy foods, but not to the point where I feel I can't eat a burger when I don't want a salad. I want to eat healthy, but I want a healthy relationship with food more.
I wrote my first journal entry this afternoon. I wasn't fighting wanting to eat, but I wanted to get the ball rolling. I wrote out a committment to myself to try to get to the cause of my overeating. I then wrote the 5 things I am happy with in my life (because I want to learn to focus on the positives and not the negatives as I tend to dwell) and then 5 things I am working on improving in my life.
We did a bit of walking today and then I followed that up with a Pilates DVD. This was an intermediate workout I'd borrowed from the library and, you know, I was able to do most of the exercises! I'm still not as limber as the girls on the DVD, but I can do the Roll-Up! I can do full sit-ups and hold myself on my butt with my feet in the air and my back in the air! I remember when I couldn't do a tenth of the beginner exercises. I've really come a long way with my fitness and that is definitely something to be proud of.
I know my journey has been cluttered with trip hazards and I have fallen off the wagon more times than I can count, but the important thing is that I keep trying, I keep getting on that damn wagon and I keep working to an improved, happier lifestyle. I just have to take it one day, one stumble at a time. And focus on the triumphs!